u/Fit-Veterinarian2682

I’ve been on and off with my SP and every time we reconnect and r always pulled back to each other. The problem is it’s inconsistent—he comes in, then pulls away, then comes back again, and it keeps repeating.

I’m trying to stay aligned and not lose myself, but I’m stuck on the sex/boundaries part. I still have feelings for him and I’m attracted to him, but I don’t want to keep putting myself in a situation where I end up overthinking or feeling unsure after.

Part of me feels like if I’m really secure and “living in the end” then it shouldn’t matter and I can just be with him. But at the same time, it also feels like continuing to be intimate without commitment might just be reinforcing the same cycle.

I’m trying to figure out how to handle this in a way where I’m not lowering my standards or hurting my self-concept, but also not forcing anything or acting from fear.

I need advice because I feel really stuck and honestly a bit discouraged.

I’ve been manifesting my SP for a while now. We were last actually together in 2024, and since then it’s been a cycle of him coming back and then leaving again.

Recently he reached out saying I still have stuff at his place. I told him to throw it away, but he refused and said he could drop it off later this week. That alone triggered a lot for me.

I’ve been working on self-concept and trying to focus on the version of him I want, but in the 3D he’s still following/interacting with other girls, and even unfollowed one of my accounts. ( don’t have socials but redownloaded it to post something and saw, deleted again) It just doesn’t feel good.

The main thing I’m struggling with is this:

I know I should love and respect myself, have standards, and not accept less than I deserve. I also have a friend who’s into LOA who keeps telling me to focus on myself and be open to letting go if it’s not aligned. I understand that.

But at the same time, I genuinely don’t want to let go. I love him a lot and I still want this. Seeing the “highest version” of him feels right to me, but it’s really hard when the 3D is showing the complete opposite.

I also know that if he came back as he is right now, I wouldn’t want to give him all of me without commitment, because I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle.

So I feel like I’m juggling:

persisting in the end / seeing his best version

loving myself and having boundaries

and hearing that I should “let go” when I don’t feel ready to

After doing this for so long, I’m honestly just tired and confused. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act toward him, or how to stay in the wish fulfilled without feeling discouraged by what I’m seeing.

If you’ve been in a similar place:

How did you balance persisting with self-respect?

And how did you break the cycle instead of repeating it?

I really don’t want to lose myself in this, but I also don’t want to give up on it.