Lost and Down…
I feel like all the poor decisions I’ve made in life and ran away from are finally catching up to me. I wasted 20 years of my life drinking and chasing social highs. And at the end of the day nobody likes me anyway. That facing my actual emotions and reality is scaring the F out of me. I can no longer escape them by getting wasted. I lost my stable friends long ago who are now married with kids and with solid lives because they grew up and left the bar scene years ago and I kept showing up weekly to drink the same poison with the same barflys at the same places for a decade. And I have nothing to show for it except poor mental and physical health and loneliness. I’m exhausted and at an all time low.
I want to believe things will get better but it’s hard to see that right now.