Bit long, sorry. Was reflecting on a bit as I wrote.
Ive recently been dating a (cis) woman that I quite like and all is going pretty well. Just a little confused by her calling me "short king" twice now, lol. The first time was bc she stepped into a space where I live, where I can stand upright and she can't, and she bumped her head or so and was like "ah fck Im tall". I'd also just taken off my thick sole boots around her for the first time and she was like "ah I see you're a short king" or something, and I was fine with it as it was just relevant banter in the moment. But I did tell her I used to be pretty insecure about my height, though I do think Im over it now. Then the next time I saw her we were in the shower together and, in her defense, I think I commented on her height first (which in hindsight I'd rather not have), going "damn you're tall" or sth, and then she said it again and it kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe also bc I dated a very tall man "as a girl/woman", and this was always a thing of "banter" that lowkey did make me feel like we were establishing power relations/doing dck measuring in some way.
I think with her this is absolutely too small of a thing to be a dealbreaker or anything, and I just need to express that I'd prefer for us to stop commenting on each others heights as it makes me feel like we're doing comparisons/ putting weird value statements on each others bodies in a way I thought I was done with - having figured myself out as a trans person, dating people I can actually communicate with in a way that works for me (including her in all other regards, very much, so far), and becoming much more comfortable and confident as a result.
But it did make me wonder how other trans guys feel about this term. I know its meant to empower short men in general in response to all the focus on height supposedly equaling attractiveness and everyone putting their height in their dating profiles and all that BS. But in this context/ based on personal history, it felt more like mockery to me. I'd rather we just don't comment on each others' bodies in ways that potentially emphasise weirdness or difference or anything. But I think the line between that and positive wonder, admiration or attempted confirmation can sometimes be pretty thin.
Thinking of, she also said "interesting" when she saw my bare chest for the first time, which I assumed was a comment on my nipple piercings, but later did start wondering if it was about breast size or anything and uuhh, I should probably also ask her not to do that. But I also wonder if this is just me being hyper sensitive to comments on my body in a way I used to not be when everything was just one big theatre play to me and I felt less real and thereby less vulnerable. Besides I suppose acknowledging elements of the other's body verbally is also just an inherent part of physical intimacy? Or I dont think Ive ever had that without. This same piercing comment I think was also made by a trans woman I was with prior to this person and then I didn't mind at all, but it was more clear to me that it was strictly about the piercings, I think, but also I was still a lot more in performative mode. Idk dude. The gist of it is I think I need to get better at expressing what sort of verbal commentary I do (not) enjoy and then if the other respects that its all good.
But wondering about your experiences/thoughts also. Regarding which "grey area" comments land well or not and why, how you communicate about these things, when/why you struggle with communication, how to overcome that, reception of communication efforts, etc.