AITA for not paying my [28F] husband [28M] back?
Background: My parents and I work together and have two businesses. One is manufacturing. We bought a larger facility right before the pandemic and we have been a bit strapped cash wise due to (a lot of) runs of bad luck and some government shenanigans across both businesses and our personal lives.
BUT I am the sole beneficiary of my parents’ entire estate, which is upwards of 10M and (*excluding* the manufacturing) currently brings in about 500k gross and will be around 700k after we finish a project on one of our other buildings. But obviously…not making fast progress because something always happens.
My [28F] husband [28M] (married for 2 years; together for 7) is aware of all of my family’s holdings and every hardship we’ve encountered over the years.
Conflict: During the pandemic, I was really struggling financially. I had been in a bad crash and was badly injured. I wasn’t depositing my paychecks so we could make payroll for our employees. I am still owed money from the business.
I applied for COVID rental assistance and received it. It was about 7k and I didn’t share it with him and he throws it in my face sometimes, tonight being one of them.
Husband has a fantastic job. We live in a MCOL city. He buys all kinds of expensive gear for his hobbies and can do what he wants, when he wants.
I am *struggling*. We have a 9 month old baby (planned when tides were supposed to be changing) and I had a terrible pregnancy. I reduced my hours because of it, so I have about 10k in credit card debt and am just surviving right now. I can pay rent, but anything I pay on my card gets gobbled up by interest.
Due to the businesses, I decided to hold off on combining our finances (which I now regret). We just filed our first joint tax return. I have a lot of depreciation because of the properties. Our refund was $17,000 this year because of the child credit and my K-1s.
I also just sold the baby’s crib for 1k and bought a mattress, sheets, and a floor bed frame (total: about $1,200). My husband wanted to keep $200 from the sale and I said no because I put all of the things on my card and it was essentially just swapping it out (I bought the crib originally).
He got mad and brought up that I owe him the $3,000 from the rental assistance. I mentioned the tax return, that I buy groceries here and there because he won’t give me his credit card, we 50/50 rent, I pay utilities, etc. I feel it’s ridiculous to keep score like this considering in about 15 years my inheritance will allow him to quit his job (which has always been the plan).
Going into the relationship, I was the higher earner, bought all of our expensive furniture, paid for meals and dates, etc. Now, I feel like a broke loser and I hate asking for help. I know there’s a bigger issue here, but I think he needs to let this 3k go.
AITA for not paying my husband $3,000 when I feel like it’s not really fair considering my entire financial picture?