First time poster here, apologies for mistakes! Big vent. If you have advice I’m not opposed.
my partner and I have been together for almost a full year now. I love them so unbelievably much, but they are relapsing and I have no clue what to do. they’re back on edtwt. They replied to an edtwt thread on it the other day after almost 6 months and I am upset.
We have both mutually been recovering for the last few months. Since we are both disordered, it’s been hard which we expected but we love each other and are doing our best. I told them a while ago I saw a notification on their phone when we were watching something together from a very obvious edtwt account, and told them I think they should delete the account. They didn’t say much but passively agreed. Their argument was that they can’t delete that account since the email is attached to their main account, and that they’re attached to old things they’ve posted which I can kind of understand, but I genuinely don’t think that is the truth any more and didn’t really believe it in the moment either.
I hate the twitter side of the eating disorder community, I think it’s sick and awful, and while I have partaken in that community in the past I’ve since stopped as I was in an outpatient program for about 8 months. I am proud of how far I’ve come. I don’t want to destroy all the work I’ve put in personally, and I’m upset at their resistance to deleting their account, and the quiet dishonesty on their end(even if it may be minor, still upset). Devastated honestly. I just want goodness and everything wonderful for them, and that doesn’t come overnight but i feel like I’ve been betrayed lol, why lie to me about it all? And pretend you’re recovering like I can’t tell you’re not? I make food so they eat every morning and most of the time the lunch I made that morning comes home with half or more of it in the container I gave them.
I feel like every relationship I get into, secret Reddit and twitter accounts always come into light and it sucks. It makes me so angry, i try so hard to be transparent and honest with my socials. Im hiding nothing but the account I used to view their edtwt. I know it’s a disorder, I am disordered. But twitter makes it all so unbelievably worse, you cannot claim you are recovering and continue to be active in eating disorder communities. I feel so lost in this whole thing, I don’t want to upset them by telling them I have looked at their account, but I want them to recover. I want them to want to recover without it feeling like a strain on our relationship. I want to be with them, we want to get married, we want a life together but I need them to want to recover. I want to wake up and make us lunch because it brings me joy, not because i am scared they’re secretly restricting.
I hate being the anxiously overbearing partner, feeling the need to keep tabs constantly. I know that’s a me problem, I feel like most of this is a me problem not being willing to mind my business. I hate secrets, especially when I know it’s only kept secret because they know it is wrong, or hurtful to themselves, or me! I hate it. I feel like people think I’m stupid, at least enough to think I won’t notice this stuff. Anyways rant over I guess 😅