Enchilada bake with rotisserie chicken from Costco. I love these guys they have great calorie per dollar ratios and solid macros. Super easy and tastes great.
TLDR: I was a super scrawny nerd that was plain awkward to be around as a teenager. Had horrible confidence and anxiety. Just recently turned 24. I’m confident (honestly objectively attractive) and enjoying life quite a bit.
This ended up being be a bit long, I shortened it up but there are quite a bit of details. So it just ended up being long. I am tired of seeing so much depression.
Went to college a virgin. Was horribly depressed first semester and had terrible confidence. This college was pretty small so luckily everyone made friends on their hall. I ended up begging a girl in the hall below me to give me her friend’s number quite literally because I thought she was cute and we were both virgins. It did work though so we dated for just over a year and that was great. I definitely acted like an asshole during the breakup too.
Always have smoked a lot of weed and being it was a small school, I got into a ton of trouble multiple times for just weed. Also covid made things worse and me drinking and partying often didn’t help (didn’t get caught for that though lol) also had a fellowship with something like a 10k grant a semester for basically the schools top students. Not sure how I got it cause I’m no perfect student. Rather, I just tend to get straight As, and with all my drug violations I was definitely about to get kicked out of it during the semester audit of my transcript.
I transfer to my local university which is decent but nothing like what I was in, and ultimately take 5 1/2 years to graduate due to switching from compsci to business data and losing all but two classes. Had to overload with online classes too to get it all done quickly. Of course chat gpt then made my skillset useless in the eyes of corporate America, but that happened closer to graduation.
I’m living at home trying to make new friends outside the few I still talked to from highschool that also ended up going to that university. I didn’t really find any footing which felt awful cause I had just begun to feel stable at my old school. I also stopped taking my ssri meds not unintentionally but rather couldn’t find a decent psychiatrist so I had to convince my therapist at the time to let me ween myself off. It was definitely stressful and my confidence was at an all time low, but I hit the gym nonstop out of stress and gained like 20 pounds of muscle raw. Also I was single and barely getting laid mainly cause I hate hookups. Low confidence or not, I’m definitely attractive enough at this point that women started approaching me and trying to flirt with me, but me being so oblivious it never worked. Which I find hilarious now but it was really upsetting then.
Did find a girl off hinge that went to the same school as me near Christmas after a year at that school. I’m moved out at this point, and I’m like 5’8 130lb (this is after gaining muscle mind you) and she was pushing 5’10 and was insanely attractive. To be blunt, we fuck like rabbits. I think I’m in love, and my confidence is through the roof. Obviously I entered into a relationship yet again based on primarily on sex and not the full range of compatibility. In other words (also blunt) she was kinda a bitch. Damn good learning moment. She eventually grew to resent me when things stopped working out so well between us and started going out partying with other guys and almost immediately spent the night at ones while I was on vacation with my family. I never really bothered to go through her phone, and we kinda just broke it off right there. We still texted a bit but it was toxic and I eventually block her.
My confidence is back to extremely low. I also was working an long standing internship at a massive corporation pulling data for a risk management department. I was even working directly with senior
VPs and once or twice C Suite. The Business Units analyzed I data for made just over 3 billion in sales each year, so it was an amazing opportunity. Problem was with the AI wave and tech hiring freeze my full-time position got taken off the board and they didn’t even tell my boss. Boss believed I had it, my mentors believed I had it, I kinda figured otherwise but I also figured the older folk knew better. They did not, but I was kinda fucked either way as the tech window was officially pretty damn shut at this point.
So leading into my last semester of college I’m back to square one of being sad and moved back in with the parents knowing I’d need to save money for the job search. Then I said fuck it, I just got out of a long relationship where I might have gotten cheated on, and I’m gonna have to get told by my job they can’t hire me. I’m gonna go manic what’s the worse that could happen.
Honestly great idea cause, even though I acted like an asshole and lost a good friend cause I hooked up with his sister, there’s no bad blood and I learned a ton about how to be less of an asshole. And this time sadness was covered up by heavy drinking.
I graduated in December and quit my internship about 3 months after asking to see a contract salary and being given a run around while pulling crazy hours too. Still covering shifts occasionally at a restaurant I worked at before the internship. Begged a family friend house flipper to let me do the basic gc work and bookkeeping and learn for scrap pay. Quickly managed to go in on 10% of the contract and flip cost for the next project. With the cash saved from my internship, I can sorta support myself and afford it. I will barely be able to afford unexpected expenses, but I’m enjoying to work too much to not take on the risk. I also spend next to nothing and save nearly every penny so it’s not a bad assumption to say I’ll be able to budget this well.
I haven’t stopped applying to corporate though and my Sisters fiancé changed jobs recommended me his position, and word was after interviewing that unless someone blows them away, they want to hire me. Interview was two weeks ago Wednesday, and it’s been radio silent, so maybe I’m still a nepotism house flipper. Maybe they call and I get consistent 8-5 with less stress/risk but maybe a little less money.
Honestly in this market no one I’ve asked seems to care either way. Money is money, and most my friends/mentors agree I should just do my best to stay financially healthy.
Also that friends sister reached back out and we reconnected. Nothing sexual outside some basic tension but it seems like there is no bad blood and I’ll be able to reconnect with the rest of the group. Super excited if so cause it’s been months and they were the only decent friends I made since transferring.
Feeling pretty good these days. Finally have enough years on me to be more stable. Got my drug use under better control. It was really a matter of limiting myself to weed and alcohol and an occasional shroom trip. And alternating water and beer and not drinking on an empty stomach. Now that I’m done with school and have my finances under control my stress levels have gone way down. My confidence is great but not because I have a great job or attractive partner, but rather because after I’ve worked my ass off to no avail for the Nth time, I realized that maybe I’m pretty good at getting back on my feet and building something for myself. That has been kinda freeing.
So ya good luck, hopefully someone can relate. And thank you for reading this far