I (late 20s F, African) recently met a guy (early 30s M, European) earlier this year and we’ve been seeing each other long-distance. We aren’t official.
He’s genuinely nice, we get along really well, and he has made an effort to see me. He’s visited a couple of times. At the same time, those visits have mostly been tied to his work travel, so a large portion of his trips have been covered through that.
I’m now planning to visit him for the first time next month and I’ll be staying with him, so I won’t have long-term accommodation costs. But everything else has added up quite a lot on my side: flights, visa process (including paying extra for a faster appointment), accommodation and general travel costs. Altogether it’s been close to the equivalent of a significant amount of money for me in a short space of time (the accommodation bookings will be refunded, but it still affects my cash flow right now), and I still have my usual expenses at home like rent.
Originally, I would have only gone for about two weeks, but he asked if I would consider staying longer so we could spend more time together, and I agreed.
He’s also coming back again soon for another work trip, and while he was already planning to visit me in my city, he’s asked if I can fly to another city he’ll be in for a few days so we can spend time together there as well. He didn’t offer to cover my flights and I didn’t ask.
In general, he seems to have a “we each pay our own way” mindset. I understand that but I think I’m used to something a bit more balanced, especially when one person is taking on more of the cost or making bigger adjustments.
I’m not expecting him to pay for everything but I am starting to feel like I’m stretching myself financially quite a lot for something that’s still relatively new.
Am I overthinking this or does this seem a bit unbalanced? How do I address this with him at this early stage? Should I even say anything to him? Thank you, in advance.