u/Financial_Log_403

I don’t really know how to explain this without it sounding dramatic, but I feel like I’ve just… hit a wall.

I graduated high school in 2025 and im 19 at the moment , and ever since then it’s just been nonstop. I went straight into working full-time, switched jobs, got let go, started studying again, tried to fix my grades, studied every day for months just to fail an exam because of things that were honestly out of my control. And now I’m here.

And I’m just so tired.

Like, I function. I eat, I sleep, I take care of myself. I’m not self-destructive. From the outside it probably looks like I’m doing okay. But all of my energy goes into just staying afloat. There’s nothing left after that. No motivation, no drive, no clarity.

And I think part of why it’s hitting me so hard now is because I never really dealt with a lot of things I went through growing up. I was bullied for years, and I went through experiences in my early teens that I now understand were abuse and grooming. After that, I ended up in more unhealthy and abusive relationships. I also lost a friend to suicide during high school, and I don’t think I ever really processed that either.

I think I’ve just been in survival mode for a really long time.

Before, I was always busy — school, work, something. Now it’s quieter, and it feels like everything I’ve been through is just catching up to me all at once. It’s like my brain is going “hey, remember all of this?” and I don’t know what to do with it.

I feel so behind compared to everyone else. People are starting university, moving forward, having plans. And I’m just here, stuck, not even knowing what I want to study, let alone how to get there. I don’t even have the grades I need right now.

And I think what hurts the most is that I’ve never really had a break. No real summer off, no time to just breathe. It’s just been go, go, go — and now my body is forcing me to stop whether I like it or not.

I don’t know if I need a break, or if I’m just falling apart.

I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong, or if I’m just exhausted.

I just know that I can’t keep pushing like this, but I also don’t know how to slow down without feeling like I’m failing.

If anyone else has felt like this, like you’re technically functioning but completely drained and lost at the same time .

I’d really like to know I’m not the only one.

Sorry for badly formulated question, im tired. Anyways, a while back i dated this really intelligent guy and i just felt like i knew very quickly we were very similar in a way and it felt fantastic. I really hope this doesn't come across as elitism, but i really do feel like i can "sense" when someone is intelligent or notice is probably a better word. I recently found out im "gifted" when i was doing my evaluation for an eventual adhd diagnosis and im new here. Would be nice to meet some fellow dr houses ^ - ^ haha..
end of incoherent rant.

Jag har fått höra hela livet att jag är intelligent, och ett IQ-test jag gjorde vid en utredning låg också högt. Samtidigt gick jag ut gymnasiet med medelmåttiga betyg och har ofta känt att jag “underpresterar” i förhållande till min kapacitet. Har hört hela livet att jag kunnat göra "bättre" och vad fan spelar det för roll att vara smart om man inte har något att visa det?

Jag har också haft mycket psykisk ohälsa som påverkat min ork, fokus och skolgång.

Jag försöker förstå varför det finns ett så stort glapp mellan vad jag verkar kunna och vad jag faktiskt får gjort i praktiken. Är det någon annan som känner igen sig?

why?

that's all

Everytime i tell a straight person or any other person with another sexuality for that matter that im asexual its like they lose complete interest and ive even been blocked. Im very sad because im in a period where i really want to make new friends and connections.