Left my Partner Over Three Weeks Ago
I (24F) left my partner (25M) three weeks ago this Wednesday. I irish-goodbyed. Originally was just going to take some boxes, but my family came after my first drop-off and we got everything out while he was at work. We took the bed, dresser, bookshelves, nightstand, etc., as they belonged to my dead realative.
I have had soooo many panic attacks and crying sessions over this. Had to pull over to compose myself when driving away. I love him so much. I can barely sleep with the thoughts of regret I have.
I feel so guilty for leaving him without a bed or any furniture. There was an extra mattress that I had brought and put into a storage closet, and I can only hope that he found it. I have yet to reply to any of his messages, or our roommate's messages, and I feel immense guilt for that as well. My roomates had no idea what was going on, but I know that they will take his side anyway. They were his friends that I moved in with.
I filed a police report a few days after leaving. He hit me, yelled at me, etc., because I had denied sex. There was a scratch on my inner thigh and some ripped clothing. This was the main reason I left. It had been bad before, but never physical. We were together for four years.
I left my job. I left my friends. I've moved in with family over two hours away. I've been bed-rotting. 110 hours of screen time on my phone last week. I feel stuck. I have no money, I called my job and am arranging a transfer, but I don't want to leave bed at all. Even playing games or doing what I used to enjoy feels like a chore.
My sertraline ran out. He picked up my thyroid medication last week, as I forgot to remove him as a "caregiver," so I'm going through that as well. He stopped trying to contact me after the first week, but I still see him typing sometimes. It just makes it hurt more, and I don't know if that's intended on his part or if he's trying to build up courage to message me again. No idea how I should feel about it all.
Anyway, that's my life update. Thank you to anyone that reads this and I apologize for any errors.
TLDR: life sucks.