Do you ever feel like everyone around you wants you gone?
Idk how to explain, but it's been like this since I was 13 or 14 (I'll be 17 in a few months now). I feel like everyone hates me, no matter how much they say that they actually enjoy my company. I'm also sure they are plotting against me to, idk, kill me or send me away. Ik it sounds silly or stupid, but I am SURE about it. There is no evidence, but I know for a fact that whenever my family members whisper among themselves in other rooms, they are talking about me, about how I'm a problematic kid, and how they want to get rid of me. I've been sleeping with a knife under my pillow since I was 14 bc I feared someone would come hurt me. My mother had told me a few times she wishes I went live somewhere else or that I straight up weren't born. I'm going to therapy once a week, but I'm still terrified. Even in class, I can't make friends, because I know for a fact that they'll turn against me as soon as they can or when I'm not useful anymore. I think someone wants to kill me, I'm not sure who though. My physical health has been declining too, and I fear I might be getting poisoned. My FP abandoned me eight months ago, they threw me away like the trash I am, and that was the ultimate proof of the fact that I am not someone anyone could love. I tried to kill myself a few times, my family knows (because how could you not notice rope bruises around my neck or pills disappearing?), but they still didn't do nothing, bc they're just waiting for me to do it (I'm NOT planning on hurting myself or doing worse at the moment). They didn't even take my cutters or ropes away. Idk what to do. I'm scared.