u/Final_Difficulty_404

hello so I been having problems with HOCD for like 5 years now. It started when I was 13 and in my period and I had I think close to an arousal but my mind processes it like I am into this dancer I was watching and it lead to my downward spiral to HOCD and it turns out I been having intrusive thoughts as a kid and would be up all night thinking about them for a period of time then forget about it after a few weeks and they come to different themes and i tend to just keep going after a while then I return to my own country and was going to homeschool due to the pandemic and my ocd become worse and it change to either HOCD to TOCD and sometimes just intrusive thoughts about my beliefs when i was about 13-14 and it changes monthly and it didn't help that I have PCOS too lmao and then i get into stan twt and get catfish by someone pretending to be a boy but is actually a girl and i liked that person for about two weeks then when i find out that person is a girl i loss my feelings but my ocd made it feel like I'm actually into girls and it was confirmed and i also started ghosting my online best friend who is a girl for months sometimes a I was scared i might like her then when I was 17.. I just started slowly doing ERP and Accepting my thoughts and now I barely have thoughts anymore about hocd but I admit i still struggle with false arousal esp when I'm on my period but my false feelings and intrusive thoughts are gone and i could communicate with girls anymore without having anxiety or feelings but i still sometimes have false arousal without being horny jus a feeling in my stomach and today i become friends with this girl and she thought i like girls because of the way i dress and act (aka kinda tomboy but I have no choice cause I feel not confident to wear more showy clothes) and she was shock when I was talking about my first situationship with a greek guy when I was in dubai.... and I didn't panic or anything and made a joke and I feel great cause now I could have female friendships without the intrusive thoughts and anxiety and tbh I feel great and could confidently say I'm straight but ofcourse i still struggle with false arousal sometimes.... Also question does anyone have like a part of your brain that is where your intrusive thoughts are mostly coming from but one part is aware? (that's how it was with me). Also My faith in God help me with enduring everytime i want to let my OCD win. so glory and praise to Him.