u/Final-Science-5398

Hi, I am C I am 20 years old addicted to fettanyl. Crazy ik not normal IK but I wasn’t like this always.. to get a snapshot or really understand we go back to 2005 my mom is 16, and she is pregnant with my dad, blah blah they have 2 kids one me at 16 my brother the next year 14 months apart my mom leaves him for my stepdad 2 years later and I never know my dad I grow up with my dad being my stepdad until I’m like 9 and I am starting to hate my dad he’s not the villian in this though idk why I take a lot out on him blame him for whatever but it wasn’t his fault now they had another 2 kids my sisters I’m about 5 years older then the youngest one so let’s just say I grew up and I just wasn’t his kid maybe at the start he really thought I could be his kid but he ended up hating me for it idk I think he was more angry at whatever else he had going on but bc he hated me I hated him or o felt as he did but anyways skip to I’m 12 years old my mom she u know smokes weed and I am starting to understand that all those times at her friends all those times at my grandparents all those times she stuck her bowl out the window to clear it and yk I am introduced to someone who’s kids I would hangout with and blah blah blah they’d steal the money the weed and were like 12 trying to smoke weed out of a shot glass…. Anyway I tell u this bc I was very early on taught that weed was not a big deal everyone does it so I get caught with money with weed and yk what my mom does do u want to know how much weed it was actually a fucking lb in like 6 big pencil cases those cheap plastic ones u get from walmart or the dollar store in my fucking dresser with 600$ and idk like a 1000$ of used psn cards at 13 years old but my mom catches me at Friday 12:pm I am smoking a fucking joint at my friend Daniel’s house and my dad dropped me off by 7 o clock getting ready to hangout and go to my girlfriends and sleepover there bc her parents loved me and they were pretty well off so they kinda just wanted the best for me yk well the mom and grandma but as bad as it sounds my mom just bought her first house in a nice suburb with a really nice school and things are looking up we were still poor no new furniture nothing like that but it was good enough but no WiFi and I had a shitty burner phone and all my friends had nice shit internet so I was never home my mom wouldn’t let anyone over anyway fast forward 15 I get a job buy a car get my license things are looking up I’m selling weed at school Yk I’m everyone’s friend I got my own circle of kids I grew up with but something goes wrong someone stole from me on my bday and some other shit that basically ends up with me being 16 I have my new gf and it’s just us and I hangout with her friends it was good I had fun I would still go out of my room yk I was doing stuff but I started taking percs at these party’s and shit go down hill my mom finds out I get on probation and my probation officer lets me do percs for 3 months I was on it for 6 so half the time I’m on I’m doing a hundred pills every 2 or 3 days getting high my po is piss testing me I’m just waiting to go to treatment or jail it was the only way the withdrawals are too much I can’t feel like that I can’t do it it is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced experiencing atm but anyway he lets me do em idk why Ik it doesn’t make sense there’s something more no there is literally nothing he’d piss test me he’s come back and say nothing idk why idk but my mom was getting ready to move but I thought she really wasn’t gonna do it but she wanted to move a whole state bc my grandma had a house out there empty and she wanted to buy it but I thought I’d go with her yk im 16 and she doesn’t take me she leaves me and my brother here to live with my grandma how do you do that drop a kid off at 15 16 years old and just not fucking care how can u just not care look at this this is why I am making this this is why I can’t take it I have nobody yk what the rest of the story is nothing I go to treatment get off and I fucked up and went back to the drugs 2 weeks later I was good when I was in treatment I was myself again I was clean I ate 3 times a day I had friends in there but after I get out I go back to my grandmas and it was just shitty situation I didn’t have a room I didn’t have my game I had no way to bring anyone over or socialize and I’m fucking so I start living at a gfs house same one from when I was 15 and her parents are crackheads it’sa trap house only part untouched was her room so we’d stay in there all day everyday for 3 years now and here we are I’m sitting in a room at my grandmas bc they got evicted and then I moved back to my grandmas we cleaned one of the rooms out and it’s nice I like it but my mom just moved again she has a house 2 acres my sisters are 15 and they get to live with the mom I wish I had they get everything new iPhones whatever but me I’m 20 years old life stopped for me when my mom left I needed help I needed someone to give a fuck but I can’t do it anymore so either you are reading this I might be gone or maybe it’ll be a hell of a comeback but let’s be realistic I have no one nothing and when my grandparents die I’ll be homeless so who’s to say I won’t just swallow a gram it’d be a good way to go nobody would find me for days