I’m a 25 yr old female, my son is 11 months old. My dad has been a functioning alcoholic for as long as I can recall. when I was 7 he became a corrections officer which only made it worse. At 11 he met essentially my step mother and we’ve gotten along on and off over the years, at times I was closer to her than to him. I was a mommy’s girl most my life until I was 14 and my moms schizophrenia started showing through and by 19 I had to move in with my dad after couch surfing out of pure desperation in order to try to finish nursing school.
I graduated almost 2 years ago and had my son last June. Once I met my now husband in nursing school I basically lived at his families house, only went home to show face and to see my cat that was there. My dad always called me drunk, randomly picked fights, and kindve same with my stepmom.
When I was pregnant it was clear they were expecting to be very involved but my dad kept saying he was worried I’d keep him from the baby like my mom did me. This isn’t true, I did not want to see my dad he just refuses to take responsibility. I haven’t seen him or my stepmom since September and now with my son’s birthday coming up my MIL and husband are saying to just consider inviting them. Their family is much more normal compared to mine so I think cutting someone off to them doesn’t make sense. My dad told me I looked like my mom when I gained weight in school, I got anxiety whenever he called worried it was a fight, he told me I was acting controlling when I was pregnant and acting like my mom and that my husband would leave me. My MIL and I were butting heads over baby shower stuff and he ran his mouth like he always does. I adore my MIL and it was literally over dumb shit but he got an inch and took a mile. He repeatedly brings up things that supposedly happened when I was a child which whether they happened or not, It’s been 20+ yrs, you’re a grown man, move on. They keep trying to say to talk to him but after 25 yrs of this, I know it’s pointless. It’s always mine or my mom’s fault.
I guess I need reassurance from people who have been there that i’m not being dramatic. You can’t come in and play grandparent after giving your kid hell all her life. I eloped specifically to avoid him walking me down the aisle. If I need help I call my mom’s ex who’s known me since I was 2. He’s made me so anxious and on edge of people even as an adult.