My girlfriend (F-34) wanted to go to a gig where her ex (who beat her up) and his pals were going to be and she only told me that on the day of. Am I (M-31) right to be annoyed and feeling like it's done with?
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So my girlfriend (F-34) was in a really bad relationship three years ago where she was constantly being verbally abused and beaten up by her drug dealer boyfriend and basically sometimes we will be talking to one another and she mentions him, which to be fair I have spoken to her about this and told her how much of a turn off it really is, especially when she keeps bringing up one time where she found £800 in his coat and he apparently just said "keep it" (so cool right? letting her keep drug money wow hell of a guy haha). Unfortunately her mum passed away about 4 years ago and so due to that and the fact that her ex ended up trying to stamp her head in and kill her, she ended up with a pretty big drug addiction herself.
Now, I myself have battled drug addiction and I have been willing to help her and we've been good at motivating eachother to stay clean and want an actual life etc. We were talking on and off for a good while after her break up and we just grew closer and closer until a few months back where we actually decided we genuinely (apparently) want to be together properly and so I have been trying to plan sorting out moving to a new flat that is much closer to her so that we can actually try and make a proper go of things. So I've been incredibly dedicated to her and we've spoke about not wanting anybody else and how we actually want kids together and marriage eventually etc (I know that might seem extreme to some but it isn't really it's normal).
So anyway, the problem we have just had is that over the last week or so she has been talking about how she is going to a gig. Normally she might go out with her girl pals just out for a drink or some food or to a concert and I'm mostly fine with her doing these things as long as she stays safe and obviously the boundaries are that if you're with me then you're not going anywhere with any dudes even if they are old pals. This time it was a little different however, since she told me she'd be going alone to this gig and she said she wouldn't be drinking, but instead she'd be getting really high/stoned. I tried to just be cool about it and say okay just stay safe etc. The next day (the day of the show) as we were talking, she reluctantly came out with "I will go, but I'm just not sure because my ex is probably going, but I'll still just go anyway"....🙃
I have basically told her I don't think it's going to work at all because really I just can't understand where her head could possibly be at to even be wanting to put herself anywhere near that guy or his pals!? You know? I'm not stupid, I can tell when people don't have their stories straight and basically her responses didn't add up and she claimed to have no idea if he'd be going. But this was a group she knows he loves and even her dad knew that it was possible for him to be there. Yet she insisted she wasn't trying to put herself in his general vicinity. She didn't go to the show in the end, because she said she "chose" me. But to be honest her saying this just makes me feel worse because it feels like pity or something? Like she felt bad for me so decided not to go to a show to get high with her ex and his druggie pals haha!
I've tried to warn her that I'm a very independent guy and I'm too old to be desperate for a relationship now, I really don't need my time and energy being wasted. For me I'm very much a loyal man and I can genuinely only love one person at a time and I do love very deeply, so any sign of some dodgy shit and it almost completely kills it for me and now she's really upset, keeps sending me photos of her crying which only hurts me tbh and I genuinely don't know what to even say anymore because she just denies it and acts like I'm stupid. I just can't understand how she could book tickets to a show that even her own father knew it was possible her ex would attend and claim to have not realised. Seriously, where is her head at!? She got Stockholm syndrome for this guy or something? It puts me off so much but I feel awful!
Anyway, sorry if this was too long or something guys, I haven't done this type of post before, but I would just appreciate anybody giving me any type of advice and just somebody to talk to I guess.
Thanks for reading if you read all of it especially!