Dumpy Road
I started this journey in the begining of this month. Fighting and fleeing from lust. but failed on my day 15. I watched porn. Today i was hit with another urge and relasped. I dont know how to feel because,
I dont feel as if i failed, but I feel i am changing from it. I'm saying this as someone who has gone 6 months without out it but returned to it. I didn't like the feeling of "porn", there was no reward. Just a small dompamine spike, that I can finaly get now normally. Not just from porn or masterbaustion. My brain just make me think I need it to live.
I started to think more when I look at the screen, "Why am I watching this" "Maybe i wish i could have a connection like that" I have learned alot and even though I have failed, these past week have been my best. I have made more friends at school, I'm still scared to talk to people but stand up for myself now, including for my friends too. I feel a bit more aware which makes me not want to reutrn to porn anymore. Well I wonder what yall think. Peace