u/FidgetTBD

I feel as though im drowning in all the words I never said

Im sinking deeper and deeper with nothing left but the brutal thoughts in my head

The waves crash

The moments never last

The water is cold and all I can do is breathe it in

There was no world in which I’d get the chance to win

I cough up all the “I love you’s” “I miss you’s” and many other words

But at the bottom of the ocean very little is ever heard

Now I drown, alone, just as before

but this time there is no hope of me returning to shore

I hate how when I think of you I want to cry

I miss the times when it felt like you actually wanted to try

I hate when I’m out with friends and I can’t get you off of my damn mind

Im in my head and searching for answers that I may never find

I’m playing pool with my friends wondering if I'm stripes or if I was ever good enough

I scratch on the 8 ball and just like this stupid game our ending was rough

Everything was going smooth until it all got fucked up in the end

I’ve not only lost a lover, but also my best friend

My friends ask me why I’m crying over losing such a simple game

I can’t bring myself to explain

I shake off the feelings and we re-rack for another round

I go to break but I just stop and hide a frown

I remember the night I taught you how to play

You were afraid you wouldn’t be good at it but you gave it a try anyway

I remember the way you would cheer when you finally got one in

You were solids not stripes, but even if it was a small achievement, you needed a win

You beat me, even though I let a few fouls slide

I was just so happy that you gave it a try

Your laugh and your smile haunt me every time I play

God I wish you’d stay

I hand the cue stick to someone else and tell them I’m done for the night

They ask me if I’m okay and all I can manage to say is that I’m alright

I loved you with all of my heart and now I feel like such a fool

All this on some random Thursday night, all I wanted was to play a damn game of pool

“No matter how much you love or care for me it will never make me want you.”

These words hit my ears and like a bullet piercing straight through my heart I know it to be true.

The blood covers my hands and then quickly floods the floor.

She walks out and drops the gun at the door.

Still in my dying breaths I speak nothing but love for she is all that I see.

This love could never be and for my devotion I bleed.

I put everything on the line, my heart was at stake.

The only thing I ever did wrong to her was love her, but it seems that was the greatest offense I could ever make.

The lights are dim and the music makes the floor shake

The crowd dances and cheers while singing so loudly and so unbelievably off key

I watch the group as they party

The music is booming and everyone dances in groups, or pairs, and a few brave souls dare to dance alone

Maybe they are drunk?

maybe they just have more strength than the rest of us

The music slows and the couples make the way to the floor

All of my friends wander off to dance with their partners or to take the pause as a good time to use the restroom

I don’t know any of the songs and I can’t say I’ve ever been much for dancing

Even if I was up for the dance, my mind is to preoccupied to even think about it

I see her on the floor, the one I should be with tonight

I wanted to go say hi but I wished not to be a bother

We’ve barely spoken in weeks

She’s having the time of her life it seems

It’s unfortunate that the time of her life doesn’t include me

I try to be happy, hell I should at least let myself loosen up but I just can’t

So I just sit there and try not to be defended by the music

I sit there and I try not to cry, my suit is far to nice to be soaked with tears

I just hope no one notices me sitting by myself, melancholy clouding my mood

In a room full of people, I have never once felt so alone

I see the spider and I recoil in fear.
I want to bring it back outside.
I’m to scared to go near.
I feel the urge to run and hide.

I don’t know why I’m afraid.
The poor spider is just living in peace.
So still and calm in the corner the creature laid.
I want to let it escape and give it a safe release.

I think about what to do and my conscience and fears I weigh.
Still I wish it to be dead just because it lives.
Despite all my thoughts of giving it freedom I kill it anyway.
I hope in its death, the afterlife can forgive.

(This is a bit of a rough draft but I like the progress so far. Feedback to help improve it would be greatly appreciated)