im so sick and tired of constantly feeling guilt and anger over nothing or over everything. its probably my own fault for doing so but my sleep schedule has been shitty. its 6am and i haven’t slept yet and i’m trying to force myself to stay up because i don’t wanna wake up several hours late. if it is even possible, i believe my depression is showing more in my sleep schedule. i binge eat now and i despise it. i always have a shitty view of myself and it just feels normal, but at the same time, i lack even an opinion on myself because i don’t have a proper identity. i feel weird.
i also have been skipping school for weeks on end and never went a full week before. i am going to be referred to a new program but it will take some time and i don’t know if i can hold up much longer. just getting help would be great, but i feel forever broken. nothing can fix me. staying positive burns me out. masking and not knowing when to be able to be myself is draining, so fucking draining. im exhausted at being exhausted, its pathetic. its probably all just hormones though, right? i will never forgive my dad for all of the shit he did