I (22/M) am struggling with the aftermath of a breakup with my ex-girlfriend (23/F). We were together for 2 years and have been no-contact for 5 months.
I (22/M) am struggling with the aftermath of a breakup with my ex-girlfriend (22/F). We were together for two years and have been no-contact for almost five months. I had a minor alcohol problem that escalated, and I lost her because of "drunk lust" behaviors that I regret deeply. She claims that I cheated, and while I understand why it looks that way, I know deep down I never did. I never kissed anyone else, and she is the last person I was intimate with.
Our relationship was great when I was sober, but the last couple of months became rocky as my drinking worsened. I realized I was in a "bubble" where it was just the two of us. Seeing friends online at clubs made me feel left out, so I started going to bars alone just to talk to people and fill the void. I became a regular at one spot, and one night she caught me dropping off a bartender in my car. I promise nothing happened—my mom was a bartender who never had a car, so I was just trying to be a nice person, but I realize now how that looked.
Things hit a breaking point when my drinking started as early as noon. I was stressed about my life and the future, deflecting responsibility and running away from my problems. Eventually, I started to turn things around—I bought a car, got ready for school, and stopped going out alone because I wanted to make her proud. However, after going out with friends I hadn’t seen in months, she went through my phone while I was in the shower and found photos sent by that bartender. I never asked for them and never wanted them, but the damage was done.
Since the breakup, I have stopped drinking, reduced my weed intake, and have been hitting the gym and reconnecting with old friends. I’ve sent her flowers and letters with no response. Around valentines I sent her flowers and one of her friends told me to leave her alone, questioning why I’m doing these things now instead of during the relationship. That hurt because I supported her financially for six months when she was jobless—paying for her car, clothes, and meals—and I never threw that in her face.
I’m focused on my future and my self-improvement now, but I still have feelings for her. The last time we spoke, she told me, "If we’re meant to be together it’ll happen, but let me heal." I’m looking for advice on how to move forward or if I should keep hoping for a reconciliation.