Some background on my mom: She's 70, I'm 36. I have a weird relationship with her in that I feel almost no mom-daughter connection to her, even though she feels very close with me. She is not a bad person but her tendencies irrationally trigger me (in a cringey and annoyed type of way) and both of my sisters feel that way too. She is very bad about telling the same embellished stories and perspectives over and over and over again and she rambles on so.damn.much. Like asking her one simple question will turn into a 5 minute monologue with a whole backstory and crazy details you didn't ask for.
Today She called me while I was working and during our chat I could tell she was about to get into one of her 5 minute monologues making an argument on why having 2 kids is so great (I have 2 kids) and so I cut her off and said (not in a rude way) that I don't need to be sold on it. She immediately got huffy and started crying. She says she feels stupid when I cut her off and I should just let her talk instead. She has no idea how much I do let her go on these blabber sessions without interrupting her. but I have a high demand job and young kids so I'm very protective of my time and I cut her off from time to time when I don't have the time or patience to deal with all the filler she adds to a conversation.
The fact that I don't really like hanging out with my mom or talking to her makes me feel like a horrible person. Sometimes I hate myself for it but I also just can't help how she makes me feel. My patience for her is so thin but I give her a lot of grace because she's got early dementia signs and again, she isn't a bad person, she's a good mom and grandma, but like...I feel almost no connection with her. Trying to talk to her separately (when emotions aren't high) never works because she's either just listening to respond without actually hearing me or she will agree and understand and then almost immediately forget our conversation.