u/Few-Mouse1031

Sorry, I know this is an extremely specific (and maybe dumb) question. I need an honest answer. I have never had a pap smear and I’m not even 21 yet. I’ve been seeing mixed results, that if someone is a virgin and never plans to be sexually active they don’t really need a pap smear (?) I was wondering what the case would be if someone was previously sexually active years and years and years ago, but is no longer and doesn’t plan to be again.

I don’t want to be ungrateful. My mother is a wonderful woman now, I have a lot of freedom, I’m 20 years old and very self motivated because I’ve taken care of myself my whole life. I have few memories of my mother from my childhood. Most of my memories are of my father, who abused and exploited me from the infancy up until I was 12 years old. I have not known a life without sex. He is now in prison for 20 to life.

My mother was in the same home, and she claims to have not noticed things while simultaneously telling me stories of her directly seeing abuse and she was a witness in court. The DA’s assistant said she’d likely be charged too if she weren’t so helpful.

I just want to list the things my mother knew/saw, only the sexual things, even though there were other forms of abuse. To be fair, she didn’t know about the extreme stuff, she didn’t know I was raped, or any of that. She’s not that awful. I just still feel on edge around her to this day, and it’s been over 7 years since the last time I was raped. She’s not even the one who hurt me and she wants me to move on since my father is in prison. She’s doesn’t think I should worry.

She told me that my father made sexualized comments about me when I was a baby including oral comments. From as young as I can remember, I watched my parents have sex, they’d keep going when I was there, and my father got off to that (my mother likely didn’t know that part). We had a kissing game in which my mother would tell me how to kiss my father, with tongue and for longer periods of time, so that when he was closing his eyes he would think it was her. I hated doing this because I hated using tongue. We had these little sex wind up toys around the house, so my siblings and I were exposed to that too. My mother rubbed cream on my vulva up until I was about 8 which was always red/sore/bumpy because of the rape I was experiencing, she didn’t know that was why though. She walked in on him doing sketchy stuff a few times, though I can’t remember all of the details. She watched him watch me masturbate when I was 8-10ish, as he made comments on my body and compared it to her’s in a sexual manner. There is more, but I can’t remember it clearly enough, and some out of context messages we went through in court in which I would ask her “help me” and she would ignore. I also feel like it’s important to note that the fact that my father wanted extra alone time with me was an open thing in our family and something my mother acknowledges herself. She tells me she used to occasionally get bad feelings about it. He would rape me while she was home, sometimes he would have sex with her after me (when I was much younger, not really past the time I was 9). When I was in elementary school, the school nurse called her out of concern I was being sexually abused, those words exactly, and my mother denied it, but nobody ever even spoke to me. She also knew when my father took me out to the man he exploited me to in the dead of night, she just didn’t even notice us return until we got back (to be totally fair, we were out of state and she was probably distracted because we were at a party with her family).

Thing is, my mother just doesn’t get it. Even the things she acknowledges and fully remembers, she doesn’t accept as wrongdoing. I just feel so hurt and my body feels messed up around her too. I feel bad for feeling bad because she wasn’t even the person who hurt me.

Please feel free to share your own experiences or thoughts. I appreciate all of you who have read all of this :( 💕