u/Few-Fox1610

I've been getting more and more depressed over the last 8 months. I think about ending it every day. I have a boyfriend who's kind of an a**hole if I'm being honest. He picks fights with me and has broken up with me over small things in the past. He says it's because of his "high standards." All to say, I don't talk to him about my mental health. I know this sounds pathetic and I should just break up with him. But I'm in my late twenties and he's my first real relationship. I don't really have family. I have a few friends, but none I feel comfortable enough to talk to about this. I had a couple of guy friends who I felt comfortable enough to talk to (yes we used to hook up smh) but I cut them off for my boyfriend. All to say, I'm 95% sure that if I told my bf just how bad it is, he would leave me. As much as I know that this isn't a healthy relationship in that regard, there's a lot about it that makes me feel good. He plans amazing dates, buys me flowers, compliments me. Even just having someone to hang out with on the weekends. For someone who spent their entire life single, it's really nice. I don't know what to do. I think if we break up, that could be the tipping point. But on the other hand, not having anyone to talk to (especially him) is worsening my mental health.