I wanted to ask women (and men too) on this sub how important family background and family dynamics are during arranged marriage.
I’m a 27M (turning 28 soon), working in a tier-1 city. I come from a financially unstable family background — no ancestral property, no family wealth, no support system financially. In fact, my father spent most of what he earned and inherited, so I basically started from scratch.
Over the last few years, through my job and trading, I managed to build my net worth up to around 1.65cr at one point, but due to greed and bad decisions in trading, it’s currently down to around 55L+. I regret that phase a lot, but I’m still proud that I built everything myself from zero, and I’m confident I can recover financially over time. My salary is around 12 LPA currently.
I’ve never been in a relationship by choice. I have a good social life, close friends, hobbies, and I’m generally emotionally stable.
The main issue is my family dynamics.
My elder brother and I never had a good relationship, even as kids. Over time I realized he’s an extremely selfish person who mostly thinks about himself. During his love marriage phase, he and his now wife made a lot of promises to my parents, especially my mother, and emotionally used all of us when they needed support. I personally worked day and night for his marriage and genuinely stood by him despite knowing his nature.
But after marriage, once their work was done, they completely changed. His wife is honestly one of the most manipulative people I’ve met — outwardly very sweet and kind, but completely different in reality once you truly know her. Over time, both of them created a lot of distance and toxicity within the family and eventually pushed most responsibilities onto me and my mother emotionally.
Financially, things are fair at least — both my brother and I contribute equally towards our parents’ expenses and responsibilities.
Personally, after marriage I would prefer living separately with my wife while still taking care of my parents responsibly. My future wife would not be expected to live in a joint family setup unless she genuinely wanted that herself.
Also, despite all the family issues, my mother and I are very close, and I know she would genuinely love and care for my future wife.
I also feel that almost every family probably has hidden problems and toxic dynamics that outsiders never fully see. Maybe I’m overthinking my own situation too much because I saw everything from close. My brother is happily married and moved on with life after using all of us for support, while I’m the one constantly overthinking whether my family situation will affect my future marriage prospects.
So I genuinely wanted honest opinions:
- How much do women in AM care about the family ecosystem versus the individual himself?
- Would toxic sibling/family dynamics be considered a major negative if the guy himself is stable, independent, financially responsible, and planning to live separately?
- Am I overthinking this too much?