u/Few-Examination3818

I don’t really know how to start this, so I’ll just start with a bit about my life.
I’m ahead of my age in a lot of ways — currently a GM at a major QSR and coming up on almost one year sober.
I’m in a relationship with a 30-year-old man. He used to pursue me when I was 18, but I always said not right now because I was in a really dark place and drinking a lot.
Earlier this year, around January, I randomly started thinking about him — and then he popped up in my DMs. Things went well, we spent time together, and it felt good.
A couple weeks ago, we had a fight. Honestly, it felt like a stupid one.
He’s currently in school to become a paramedic and is doing practicum — around 60 hours a week. He’s dealing with a lot, including seeing some heavy things on the job, and he’s also under pressure from school to improve or risk being done.
One day I asked how his day was going. He said not great and that he had a lot of serious thinking to do.
I asked what he meant, and he shut down.
I asked again a couple hours later, still nothing.
I told him I understood he had a lot going on, but when you bring something serious up like that and won’t open up at all, it makes it hard to communicate.
Later, I told him I had just finished work and asked if he could let me know when he’d be free to talk.
All my messages got left on seen.
After that, I got blamed for how I made him feel — he said it reminded him of how his father used to talk to him. I was also blamed as the main reason for the fight.
I didn’t even respond. I just sat alone and cried.
Then I get “I love you lots” and “I’m going to sleep.”
I don’t understand how someone can say those things after that and just go to bed like nothing happened.
Earlier this week, he randomly said his car smelled like vodka. Knowing I don’t drink anymore, I didn’t understand why he’d even say that to me.
Then yesterday, I took him out for dinner, and something else really hurt.
He looked at me and said he thought I was always on drugs.
That completely killed the moment.
I told him straight up — if you want me to prove I’m sober, I will. I’ve made it very clear I don’t touch anything anymore. It took a lot for me to get here.
If I wasn’t sober, I wouldn’t have the job I have today.
And if I ever did slip, he’d be the first person I told. I’d own it and start over immediately.
I understand he has a lot going on in his life, but so do I. Managing a restaurant at this level isn’t easy either.
Lately, I’ve just been feeling really off about everything.
I don’t like how I’m being treated, and it feels like we can’t communicate about real things without it turning into something negative.
At the same time, I do genuinely enjoy being around him.
But this has been sitting in my head constantly, and I don’t know what to do.
My emotions are all over the place right now