I’m a 27 yr old female who’s been w/ my bf (31) for almost 3 yrs. We have lived together for the last 2, have a dog, & are moving out of state together in 2 months.This a big life transition that we’ve been excited about and planning for. On the other hand, we’ve had difficulties surrounding intimacy since the start. I’m the one with the higher drive & view sex as a larger part of life. The issues primarily are differences involving differences in touch, kissing, & overall desire (e.g., frequency). With mismatched sex drives it has been difficult in addition to overall approaches to sex (e.g., spontaneous vs responsive desire etc). I myself have had cyclical struggles and internal conflicts trying to accept that this is an area that will always be mismatched for me. I am the one with real difficulty and I believe his difficulty is more so with the fact I have these feelings and when I bring it up as an issue again.
I want to clarify that this isn’t due to anything going on or not being in the honey moon stage anymore as it’s been something that was palpable from early on. It was more difficult initially because I felt rejected and confused. Medical issues have been ruled out from what I understand. He doesn’t seem to have any desire to dig deeper into this though like seeing if it’s a medication he’s taking etc. He does take a supplement prior to sex so hence the planning. Point blank he is okay with once every week and a half about and with saying okay let’s do it on Wednesday. The rest of the relationship is largely great but this difficulty has been over spilling at times for me & I believe affecting my mental health at times. At least once a month I ruminate of this and have some form of anxiety or distress over this. But then it resolves temporarily until it arises again. Not sure if that is rooted or biological. I really don’t want this to be the ending factor for us as we truly as so aligned and we work well together, otherwise have compatibility, and are committed to working on the & towards the future. We have so much going for us and up ahead. I feel like it’s everything I had ever once but this is the catch like it’s everything but, you have a muted sex life. I have tended to worry as it is and have had poor relationships in the past so I think I started to associate fiery passion with toxicity. I just don’t know how to resolve this mental conflict between my reality and my desires/natural drive etc. and how I even could stop going back to this thought process because I really want to :/