Hey Reddit, please redirect me to a different sub if this is the wrong one, i never know where to post what.
I have an old friend and ex partner who attempted to take her life about 2 1/2 years ago while we were together, she did survive and about a month later we split for unrelated reasons. I found myself almost attatched to her from afar and about 7 months later we dated again briefly and lost contact again when that ended.
And again a few months ago I once again reached out and made contact again. Just a few weeks later she made an attempt on her life again, and just about survived luckily again. Im not anything to do with why she did this those events arent linked to me. But these incidents left me with trauma especially the first time that i still live with.
My question is, is there a reason i keep coming back to her? She never harmed or did anything bad to me the trauma was purely from briefly losing her. Why do I still want her in my life and why do i keep running back to her if shes the only direct link to my trauma? I tried looking this up but google only gave me answers suggesting that it was a trauma bond victims form with their abusers but there was no abuse involved its a different type of bond. Can anyone help me make sense of this?
Honestly my life hasn’t ever really been easy when shes around; shes like a ticking timebomb and i dont know whats going to happen to her next and i constantly worry for her. Despite this i still feel like i rlly want her in my life, for the good times she’s great company and so sweet. Shes just… idk not good news most the time.