Struggling to cope with the decline of my mother.
I am a 21 year old individual who was adopted by my dad (77M) and mom (71F) when I was only an infant and currently live with them . Growing up with older parents I knew that my expected time with my parents would be short compared to that of my peers. I’ve accepted for a long time that they won’t be around long into my adulthood and I will have to cope with that. I’ve held that anxiety from a young age but it has been kicking in much stronger after recent events.
My mom recently was hospitalized for a week due to going into AFIB and her oxygen levels depleting. Doing any form of exertion, such as walking back and forth from the bathroom, puts significant strain on her heart. She is in stage 3 congestive heart failure, on top of having COPD, asthma, and recovering from sepsis and pneumonia. She had a mini heart attack two years ago that left her heart in a weakened state and has only gotten worse. I am not stupid, I know that she is old and could pass away any day. Any week. Year. I make sure I’m spending time with her while she’s here. Trying focus on that and battle with anticipatory grief.
But how does one cope with the intense anxiety that comes with this? I see a therapist every week, and i’m on meds for my anxiety disorder. These things do help significantly, but when my mom even may have a small episode where she gets worn out or her heart rate temporarily rises, I find myself panicking every time. I try to stay calm, but knowing the state she is in now, it isn’t enough to keep myself calm anymore. My dad also talks about when he will pass one, which I also have accepted, but also brings me anxiety considering outside of both of them I don’t have family who really care.