Hey. So, as the title says, my boyfriend and I are planning on breaking up by the end of summer, so in about 3 months, to save the heartache of long distance. I just don't really know how to move forwards from here.
For some background info, I met my boyfriend during a very tumultuous time in my life. A lot was changing for me socially, and it was scary. He was the only person I felt I could turn to, and he was always there. He's such a good listener, we have a lot in common, and we just hit it off. Not to mention, my ex-friend group was very against us interacting so I'm sure the forbidden fruit aspect as well as the emotional bonding really sped up the attachment.
Fast forward 6 months, we've been going strong. My last relationship was a year and a half long, but looking back, none of my needs were met and I truly was just in that relationship for the title. He was my first boyfriend and I thought it was real. But this is the first time it's seriously felt real. My current boyfriend has made me realize what real love is supposed to feel like. I can't get too deep into it because I don't want to cry my makeup off again, the mascara burns my eyes, but he just means a great deal to me. He's kind of the best thing that's ever happened to me socially. In just 6 months I've discovered so much about myself and grown so much self-respect and strength. He's supported me through all of it. He feels perfect for me. But, there's one major roadblock.
We got into different colleges. 2 hours apart. We could do long distance, but both of our last relationships ended via growing resentment due to long distance, and we refuse to end up hating each other. Also, it just feels like asking for more pain in the long run if we do that. We're going to be so pre-occupied with our new lives, it'd be hard to keep up with each other and overwhelming as shit. Also, he plans on moving out of country pretty much as soon as he can, preferably during college. I do not. As much as I hate the political climate here, and as much as I love travel, the US will always be my home. I want to live in a culture I understand and am familiar with.
He proposed the idea of a fun summer and then a dignified end, and I wholeheartedly agree. He loves me just as much as I love him, but it just feels better to do things this way. The issue I'm having now is, I'm not sure how to enjoy anything with him anymore knowing it's our few months. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and we're on a time limit. Nothing has ever felt more unfair, it feels like a punishment from the universe for some damning action I did. I can't even begin to describe the loss I'm feeling, it aches to my core. I've never lost a family member, not yet anyways, so this is truly the worst heartbreak I have ever felt. I've already started grieving, so how the hell am I meant to look at him, hold him, laugh with him, kiss him, smell him, knowing it's the last time I'll ever get the chance to? I want to make the most of this, but I just don't know how.
I guess my question is just this: How do I handle this?
TL/DR: I'm losing my boyfriend of 6 months in 3. This is the most intense pain and grief I've ever felt. How do I enjoy summer now?