Feeling unsure & unwell
Hi. I'm not completely sure if I'm a shopaholic or if I just have generalized addictive behaviors. I don't shop a lot on a regular basis, but I feel a guilt-laced rush when shopping. The more my cart fills up, the more delirious I feel. When shopping, I can lose track of time and if I go too long, I also begin losing my sense of self.
Recently, something happened that quickly turned a simple shopping task into a big-budget mess. I was just looking for 2 new outfits for work. I found them. Easy, right? Nope. When they arrived, the tops were all too tight. Ok, just exchange them for the next size up. Well, I get back on the website and they're having a huge sale. I also have points that make the sale a complete steal!
So, instead of just exchanging 2 tops, I loaded up my cart with tons of clothes & bras. I didn't worry because this is how I shop now. After growing up fully understanding it was easier to just never ask for any because we couldn't afford it, I tried to get rid of my scarcity mindset by letting myself load up a cart, then strategically taking things back out until it seemed like a reasonable amount. That worked great for years, then I lucked out & married someone who can afford to spoil me every now and then. Well, now it's more difficult to see that line that I don't want to cross with spending.
Anyway, I ended up buying bras in many styles in a range of sizes because none of this place's bras fit the same (and because I could). I now have over 20 bras I need to return because (as I previously learned) this store just makes crappy bras. I KNEW that and bought them anyway, just hoping my little heart out.
So, I don't know if I have a problem with shopping or with accepting reality. I guess they're not mutually exclusive though. Either way, it feels like there's a problem and I can't fix it alone.