u/Feeling_hope_5052

Hey all. 23m. My first time posting here so sorry if I seem a little new to this. I’ve always been very introverted, never had many big friend groups and very much enjoy staying home, and living a very indoor lifestyle all throughout my childhood and as much as I can in my adult life. Lately I have been thinking a lot of my future and how future relationships will go. Not just romantic relationships but just any in general. I have a small group of friends(really 3 close friends I trust), I’m currently single, I have a very disconnected relationship with my immediate family. My mom is my rock and my main family member I could say I have a genuine good and healthy relationship with. My dad and I get along good but it’s just not very active. We don’t talk much unless we need something. I have 2 younger brothers who I don’t talk much with either. Mainly related to trauma one of the brothers caused throughout our teenage years(I’d rather not go into too much detail). I do currently live with my parents still and all 5 of us are in the same house for context as well. I guess I could say I’m mainly concerned about my future and being able to make connections. Of course I’d like to move out of my parents house. Idk if it’ll happen before I turn 24 but definitely before I turn 25. I’m also starting the process of finding a permanent “adult” job(currently in college and work a minimum wage job). I’m afraid of losing my connection with my mom after moving out as well as loosing my connection with my friends after a big schedule shift. We hang out pretty regularly but of course with change in schedules that might be harder to do. I’ve always struggled with making connections with others as I’m very low confidence and get very anxious when talking to new people. I often find it hard to spend too much time around others as well often getting overwhelmed. While I do hate the feeling of being lonely I do also very much enjoy my time by myself and it’s important I get my isolation. I self isolate a lot yet desire connections. Might be a little hypocritical or selfish of me to feel that way. I worry about not being able to make connections with future jobs, neighbors, trying to make more friends, or even finding a partner again in the future. It’s always been a big fear of mine to spend life alone. So of course just overthinking about spending my future lonely makes me afraid. Maybe this is more so of a vent post but I’m not really sure if I could express this in a way to my friend or mom in a way that doesn’t sound like me just overreacting. Sorry for the ramble if you read this far I appreciate it.😭