I love my relationship with my boyfriend now, but we had an issue with emotional cheating before [23F, 23M]
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. Our first year together was rough, and since we’re each other’s first relationship, I think we didn’t really know our way around one. We didn’t communicate well, and we both buried our issues until we slowly started resenting and drifting away from each other. The relationship was practically dead, and we were both just waiting for someone to end it.
We did break up at one point last year, but my gut told me there was emotional cheating involved too. So I asked him about it, and my boyfriend admitted that he had been entertaining another girl weeks before we officially broke up. During that same month, he also liked one of his friends he had been hanging out with. He said he only entertained or talked to them because he liked the attention and validation. He explained everything to me and showed me the conversations, and what he said was true. He never went out with them on a date or did anything sexual either. We’re also in the same circle, so I would’ve known if he had been lying or seen with them.
I know it might’ve been dumb of me, but I forgave him at the time. Like I said, our relationship back then was practically dead, and maybe I was too numb to even be angry. After all of that, we sat down, communicated through all our issues, and worked hard to get where we are now. He worked hard to regain my trust, reassured me over and over again, and never pressured me into forgiving him quickly. We call every day, and he comes over often so we can spend quality time together and strengthen our connection.
But the problem now is that I think I’ve become emotionally dependent on him. When he was out of the country for weeks because of work, I became really sad and started overthinking that he might do it again. He reassures me, but I feel like my mind is only truly at ease when he’s physically around and we’re spending time together. I don’t want that, though. I know we both have our own lives, and I want us to maintain our individuality. But because of what happened before, it’s hard not to overthink sometimes. I really love what we have now and I want to work through this, but I don’t know where to start.
How do you regain trust and emotional independence after emotional cheating, especially when the relationship is actually in a much better place now? I love where we are today and I genuinely see his effort, but I don’t want my peace of mind to depend entirely on his presence or reassurance. I want to heal properly instead of constantly overthinking whenever we’re apart.
TLDR; My boyfriend emotionally cheated during a rough patch last year, but we worked through it and our relationship is much healthier now. He’s been consistent and reassuring, but I still get anxious and overthink when we’re apart. How do I rebuild trust without becoming emotionally dependent on him?