I'm not good at putting my feelings into words. It's kind of awkward to start this off...
I guess it could be useful for context to say that I am F22 and very inexperienced in relationships. I am fairly certain i am into women, but i haven't actually dated one...
Anyways,
I've been having dreams about girls a lot lately. It's never quite the same one, but it's always had me feel very warm. We'd be hanging out together; just being close, holding hands and walking. It's never really anything sexual. It feels very at home, just... right. And then i wake up.
When i wake up after these dreams i get this sinking feeling in my stomach, as if something is missing. A very deep sensation of longing... Now, i am not a clingy type of person. I don't really go seeking affection or relationships at all. I don't even like physical touch like portrayed in my dreams. I don't think i've ever been able to differentiate a crush from limerence either... Have i ever even have a proper crush? But this feeling when i wake up hurts so bad.
Why is what i want in my dreams, the thing my body aches for, polar opposite to what i feel i want when i'm awake. It's too intense for me to ignore it. But at the same time that physical feeling does not allign with how i (think i) feel in my head.
I've only dated men and i didn't really get anything from that. It didn't do anything for me. I don't feel the need to go out looking for a partner. Yet i still wake up and get punched in the stomach...
I don't know what to do. It's killing me. It hurts more every time it happens. What do i do? Does anyone else feel like this?
I feel so lost.
TL;DR - I get romantic dreams and when i wake up i feel like i NEED that. But in the real world it doesn't feel like that. It hurts whenever it happens. How do i deal with this?