Hi Reddit, long time lurker first time poster. I (31m) have been with my partner (29f) for nearly ten years.
We have lived together for 8 of those years and have always shared the same room and bed. 2 years ago my partner developed a medical condition that is narcolepsy adjacent. This makes it hard for her to stay awake and harder for her to wake up. She has medication that helps her to start awake during the day. I have been supportive the for every step of the way, driving her 15 hours each way for specialist appointments and helping to wake her up when she struggles.
Onto the issue: I work 2 jobs. One is my primary career, the other is as an on call first responder. My primary job is relatively flexible with start hours, so if I am called out during the night I can start later at my job (within reason).
My partner needs to set multiple alarms in the morning to get up. These alarms start an hour before she needs to get up, and are set 5 minutes apart for that hour. She has them set on both her phone and smart watch.
I am a light sleeper, and once the first alarm goes off I am awake. Previously I have simply shrugged this off, but lately it has been affecting my mood and fatigue levels, especially following late night call outs.
I have raised the issue with her, and suggested I set up the spare room for sleeping in occasionally. She informed me that I was being an asshole, was unsupportive and uncaring of her condition and did not "want" to sleep in the same room as her. I tried to explain why and that it had nothing to do with her concerns but the conversation went nowhere, so I let it go.
So Reddit, I ask two things of you. AITAH, and does anyone have any other advice or alternatives, as I am open to anything.