long distance break up
Hey this is my first post on here and i just need some clarity as i am so fucked up right now.
Me (f18) and my ex gf (f19) dated from june 2023 to around dec 2025. The main reason we broke up was due to bad communication and distance. Before we started uni we both lived in the same city a train ride away and would try to consistently meet up once or twice a week unless we had exams. It was all so well at the start - my first relationship with a girl who loved me wholeheartedly and i was in love with. Before we both went of to university things were so well, we would call or text everyday and only had a few minor fights here and there about silly things. She was the first girl i ever loved and oh wow it was amazing the things we experienced together and growing together. The summer before uni we spent so many days together just laying in the grass under then sun and being in love.
I had a weird feeling in my stomach when the time came to go our separate ways for university. She would a couple hours away from me which i obviously wasnt happy about but i was happy she was doing something she was passionate about but also both of us would be experiencing a new world beyond the city we grew up in. I remember seeing her the day before she left and my heart was aching and I had a feeling like the distance could be a big obstacle to overcome and it could possibly be bad but i still had faith.
In the beginning despite the distance, things were fine, great in fact. We would call and text regularly and update each other on all the cool things we were experiencing. Just to mention we tried to be open and it was swell, we both would flirt with other women and explore other things with women but at the end of the day we knew we were strong and loved each other so much and after we got that out of our system in the first few months we would be okay and it was my idea because i figured we should have the full uni experience. I felt like my worries had gone away. But then once we got settled in, the texts and calls reduced, some days id have to beg for a conversation and would just receive a text saying im so sorry i was out, i love youu and youre the love of my life. At first i thought yk shes having fun and uni just like i was so let her be happy. But then it just got worse and i had a talk with her and she said she understood and would try to fix it.
We really missed each other so i went to visit her for a few days at her city. To be honest it was really fun, we spent the entire time together and have restaurant dinners together and cuddling together whilst whispering sweet nothings just like we used to in our school days. It was so perfect and i loved every moment of it and would do anything to go back to that point in our lives. Besides one major incident involving another girl which really hurt but i was okay to look past it because she was extremely remorseful and apologised. that whole trip was amazing but after that things took a turn for worse and i felt like my feelings were dying out because of the way i was being treated, like i wasnt a priority in her life anymore.
She fell back into old habits, would never text or call or id be the one initiating and id be only getting drunk texts at 4am etc. I held on for as long as possible because i loved her and craved her attention in every way so i tried to put up with it but god i couldn’t bare it. After christmas i decided to end things but it was more so like a break where i emphasised she could focus on herself for a bit and we could both improve ourselves and figure out how to navigate this distance and then get back together after.
I would still call or text her once in a while and we would talk because i couldn’t go long without needing her which made me realise i was perhaps dependent on her. then hit valentines day and we wished each other and things were okay and id try to give her space but also text her once in a while.
then it was perhaps two or three weeks before her birthday which was in the beginning of april and this is when i was missing her oh so very much.
i called her non stop trying to reach out to her but didnt get any response for two whole weeks. one day she called and we spoke a bit and i knew me losing the feelings over her avoidant behaviour was just a phase and i still very much felt something for her after speaking. she then does this thing where she ends the call early and makes up an excuse to do something or meeting up with friends.
i wished her happy birthday then got a response a day later and i tried to make the conversation last but nothing worked as i kept getting left on seen. fast forward to two weeks after that, i called her a couple times cos i was drunk and i really missed her voice and our conversations but no response. then she sends me a paragraph saying she doesn’t love me anymore, shes moved on and we won’t ever be together anymore.
i called her bawling my eyes out and begged for us to make this try and give it another change which ik is pathetic but she said no, she doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to lead me on. i was absolutely heartbroken, the only reason i said to take that break in december is so that we both could improve and try again but ig i should have caught on that i was losing her from how avoidant she was getting. now ive lost her forever and im going insane. i honestly wish i never did that and just maybe talked to her more about it because now jve lost her.
its heartbreaking to hear someone who loved you with their whole heart and wanted a future with you to say to you with no remorse, ‘ i don’t love you anymore’ or ‘i don’t want to ever be with you’.
I was crushed and panicky and i still sometimes burst into tears when im alone because shes all i ever had.
i cant go a day without thinking about her. initially she had me blocked but i asked her friend to have my unblocked and i wont bombard her with messages. she said we can text once in a while which probably means like once every 6 months in her words.
i just regret doing that break in december, i fucked everything up because i thought i was doing the smart thing but if anything it pushed her away from and she just didnt need me anymore like i needed her. at first i thought it was the open thing but tbh neither of us got with other women after the break so it wasnt that.
we are long distance so i have no clue how to get her back because if i try again, she will block me and she was even hesitant on meeting up in the summer even once. i definitely do think i was emotionally dependent on her and used her to feel better sometimes which isnt what love is all about but going all cold turkey now is giving me so much anxiety.
my bsfs are here for me which im grateful for and ive been trying to distract myself and focus on myself but god i cant stop thinking about her. she loved me so much and was such an angel and i feel like i pushed her away for the rest of our lives.
i cant bare to imagine her with other girls or having a life without me. I miss her love, her smile, her laughter, her jokes and her adorable face.
I am petrified of the idea of ever getting into a relationship again because someone can be your everything one minute and then not ever want to talk to you again the next minute.
Im scared im gonna be alone forever now which tbh i dont mind because i wont be hurt like this.
I want her back so bad to the point if she texted me saying she wants to try again i really would.
Sorry for all the ranting but please someone help me, how do i get her back when she comes back in the summer or how do i manage the idea of being alone without being scared.
any advice would truly meant a lot, im sure you guys have been thorough what i have and overcome it so pls guide me on how to be strong like you guys were :)