Should I text him?
I’ll try not to write a novel about my father and stick with what’s currently going on. For context though, my dad loves me, he’s just bad at it. When I was young he described me as weird, we never connected. His favorite child is my eldest sister. He emeshed with her (whole other mess).
I’ve tried so hard to be good to him and offer love and support. He cheated on my mom with my current stepmother, he was either working or sleeping. A non-present parent. Always did his best to provide but was not great with bonding. He created rifts with us and my mom, we literally bullied the hell out of her cause he would shit talk her so much to us.
Recently, his kidney ruptured and he was taken the hospital via life flight. It was non-trauma so we had no clue why this happened. He has a medical history of this happening 10+ years ago. Come to find out, he’s just unhealthy, over stressed, drinks, and smokes.
I asked my step mom to add me as next of kin so I could call and help the family stay informed. I live out of state but my experience is in healthcare admin so I at least know how to maintain communication with the med staff. He had a 13 centimeter rupture on his kidney and at one point they couldn’t get the bleeding to stop. We thought he would die.
My step mom wasn’t taking anything serious in the group chat. Laughing, joking. Telling us he can go back to normal. So I called his RN and found out his actual situation. I sent a message to the group chat saying he needs rest more than anything and that this was serious. My step mom took this as “I’m calling her a bad wife” and told my dad I hurt her feelings. He called me and told me to apologize. I said no, and that neither of them are taking anything seriously. They planned on going to a dog show to sell their dogs that weekend and I said it was ludicrous and that he needed bed rest.
My step mom ripped me a new one, my dad called me, raised his voice at me, and told me I was being dramatic. I tried to be calm and patient. I even begged them to stop texting and to call me so we can come to a resolution. My step mom hung up on me and my dad agreed with her. My step mom is blocked cause I honestly have nothing for her at this point in my life.
I am having a hard time wanting to message or talk to him though. It’s been two months and I haven’t talked to him. He’s calling my husband and telling him “tell her not to hate me”. What do I even do with that? He won’t apologize to me, he won’t talk nicely to me but he calls my husband to try and look like a hurt puppy. He has sent me emoji hearts every other week. He asks if we’re good and I say “yeah”. But I’m mad at him. I’m hurt. How do I get past constantly being a punching bag when all I do is care about him? Why can’t he call me and tell me not to hate him. I feel stuck. I’m thinking of going no contact. I don’t know.