I recently ended a long-distance relationship with my (ex)Bf after almost 3 years together, and I’m still trying to process everything.
I posted a month ago on how to do welfare check in his country because he’s been no contact for 4 days which was really unusual. I contacted his local police on the 5th day to have welfare check on him which they did but at the same time he already contacted me saying he thought he lost his phone but turns out he left it on their office and couldnt get it over the weekend.
After explaining and saying sorry and everything, I still accepted it/him even though those days wrecked me. My friends had witnessed it and one friend messaged him without me knowing at first telling him I deserved better and he should get his shit together. He replied saying he knows he doesnt deserve me but couldnt let go because he genuinely love me and will now come clean to everything he’s been hiding from me before meeting me in person in a month.
So here comes his confession. Turns out he’s been living with his ex (his ‘bestfriend who he goes travel with in every holiday to diff countries every year) the whole time I know of him. He always say to me in the past that he wishes he met me 3 months earlier (thats when they decided to have an apartment together because of housing crisis). I met him thru an app as pen pal and in his confession he admitted that I was only an escape from his reality from the beginning and in an “open relationship” with his ex but eventually totally ended it with her when he fell inlove with me and so pursued ldr with me.
He was living with his ex the entire time—not just as roommates, but sharing the same bed (where I see thru vc and had intimate moments with him) I had no idea. I thought I was in a normal (tho private) committed relationship. (Funny thing was I always insist that he should show me two beds whenever they go on a trip but in their normal days they share a fckng one bed, I felt so stupid)
There were moments where he was inconsistent or distant, but I trusted his explanations.
Then last year, during one of our breakups, he slept with her again because he was “seeking comfort.” We got back together weeks later, me having no idea all along.
What I didn’t know was that she got pregnant from that.
He never told me. Yet
For most of the relationship, I genuinely believed we were getting better and improving. We talked every day, made future plans, and were even supposed to meet in person this May, already booked our own flights.
I held on to that plan so much—it felt like everything would finally become real.
After confessing, I dont know exactly what to feel. Knowing his baby is already 3 months old. That everything we talked about for future, he already have it now, a daughter, even the name he wants for a daughter 🙃
But in those two weeks after his confession, I still stayed. Hoping we could atleast meet in May as we planned it for so long and have it prolonged many times. Hoping I’d get his apology in person and somehow will still work it out now that he revealed his whole truth (I hope theres no more lies).
In those weeks maybe I was still indenial, because I still talked and continued the relationship, because I love him (he’s my first love) and get to know more about his baby which I grew fond too. But everynight I also feel like sht and why did I end up experiencing this situation.
But then he cannot meet me as planned too. Said that their product launch at work is scheduled the same date and duration of our travel. And his soonest availability is on Sept.
I told him I cant wait for him anymore, specially now bearing everything he confessed. His living situation with his ex, now having a baby with her. He said he’s on his way of acquiring new/own house, but that’s not happening any soon, but if so, it wont diminish the reality of what he did and current situation.
A week ago, I ended the relationship through call. I told him my piece and said he understood it and apologized again. I told him I still love him despite what he did, but I also cant bear what he did and cant wait for him to “fix” whatever he can to still accomodate me in his life. There should be done in between all of what had happened because I cant stay with him while not being able to forgive him completely and maybe in those times of waiting for him until we finally meet may just turn my love towards him as resentment because of what he did.
I know breaking up was the right decision, but I’m struggling with everything I’m left with, the confusion of how something that felt real could be built on lies, missing the version of him I thought I knew and loved by him and the heaviest was letting go of everything we had while also not being able to meet him after all this time.
How do you move on from this?
Thank you for somehow allowing me to vent here. But also please be kind.