For context, we’re Filipino. (Sorry for any grammatical mistakes.)
My sister(26F) is the breadwinner of our family, even though I’m(28F) the eldest (which is kind of a toxic expectation in our culture). I’m currently working while finishing my degree, so most of my income goes to my studies and I can’t contribute much financially.
My sister, on the other hand, has taken out loans to fix our house and even help with my tuition.
We grew up in a low-income household so we did not experience anything nice growing up. Only the essentials needed are met. You are given shelter, food, education, clothes and that's it. No extra things. We did not have a great childhood because at our early years we were pressured to finish school so we can help our family financially. We had a strict household too, where you cannot have fun without your family. If you try to reason with them, you are disrespectful and ungrateful.
We are also very close to our father’s side of the family since they helped raise us. The problem is, whenever we plan to spend money on ourselves, like for vacations, they guilt-trip us and say we’re wasting money and should just give it to our parents instead. Because of that, we rarely treat ourselves.
Recently, my sister finally got her driver’s license, and we decided to go on a trip using money we saved for months. Because of past family issues, we didn’t tell them the truth, we said we were just staying nearby, but we actually traveled farther.
While we were on the trip, our grandmother kept calling nonstop asking where we were. I felt guilty and eventually told her the truth. I had already told our mom beforehand, but we didn’t tell our dad because we’re honestly scared of him, he used to be physically aggressive when we were younger.
Now our whole family is mad at us for lying about where we went (except our Mom, she's chill about it) and is scolding us on "wasting" money. We’re still on the trip, but I’m already anxious about what will happen when we get home.
It feels frustrating because even though we’re adults and help with household expenses, we’re still treated like children who can't be left on our own devices. I want to move out and live independently, but we’re afraid of being labeled ungrateful or disrespectful, especially since our relatives tend to gossip, and my sister works a government job so it will affect her negatively. Moving out is only acceptable when you are getting married but currently it's not part of our plan.
I feel trapped with no way out.
So, AITA for lying about our trip?