Told my gf I think I should move out into my own place to regain some identity. She thinks this is a step back and is hurt (Greek pita & falafel bowl)
Okay so just for some context I’m 19 and she’s 29. We’ve been together for 9 months now and this is my first relationship.
One thing I’ll say that might be important is I moved in with her after one and a half weeks of us going on “dates”. I was previously doing van life before (not luxurious van life you’ve seen on TikTok lol and plus it got towed anyways 😔).
And look I will say when i first moved in it was pretty fun ya know? I didn’t have any issues and no stress really…but I’m not starting to realize that might be the initial high I was riding. I think he’ll maybe even two to three months into it I’ve had uncertainty about the relationship, and even the age gap. Not particularly because people online say “she has to be a predator bro.” Because I don’t buy that at all, she’s great, genuinely. But because I remember when I was hanging out with her I was thinking she was 24-25 max. And even then I knew that was a decent amount older than me. When she then told me she was 28 (I’m 18 at the time.) I do remember I was really bummed and in that moment thought “okay this is for sure going to be a short but meaningful little chapter”. But now here I am 9 months later lol.
Anyways the reason I want to get my own place is simply because I’ve lost myself. The place we are in is a small studio apartment. And I also want to mention I haven’t paid rent the entire time we’ve been together. And I currently don’t have a job either. Either way all I know is I have just slowly become so unmotivated to do anything. I’ve stopped working out, in fact this is the longest I’ve gone without doing so, and I’ve also stopped creating music for a while now. I’ve just lost all confidence and motivation. I’ve simply lost myself….like genuinely. I can not stress that enough. Before I met her? Man! I was genuinely on top of the world 😂 low stress, just sun and beach and guitar. I was getting looks left and right and it was intoxicating.
I feel like a shell of that version of me now.
So yeah I have finally realized I need my own apartment, or place. Mainly because I think I just need my autonomy, like real autonomy. And with this autonomy I’m hoping for either two things…
1: the relationship then flourishes because I am starting to get my own spark back and that improves the dynamic etc.
Or
2: with gaining my own independence and space I can get a clearer view on the relationship and if this is something I want to continue.
I’m hoping to be able to get a place on a college grant or at least some assistance. But when I mentioned this to her she was definitely upset. And she said well then I want you out in 30 days so you should start job searching. And I understand why she would want that. Even though the college grant was her idea, and I mainly just brought this whole thing up not thinking it was a big deal, I now see she is hurt and that’s where the whole “you need to leave in 30 days thing “ is coming from. Instead of just waiting for me to get this college grant to go through.
She also said she definitely feels like this is a step backwards in the relationship…which I see why she’d say that and most others would as well. But I feel like I’m this specific scenario that’s not true though?
Anyways yeah I’m kind of lost in the sauce right now, and have been confused for so long. Hoping for some advice ! 🤞
TLDR: I need advice