u/Far-Season-695

I (32M) have a best friend, Jane (26F) She is a very sociable person and makes/keeps a lot of friends. Many of whom are regulars at the bar I work at and I would consider my friends as well albeit not as close. She asked me fairly early in our friendship to not flirt with or try to hook up with her friends in her immediate circle. She says when friends of hers hook up with eachother it makes things weird and can lead to favoritism among a friend group. That was its own thing but ultimately I agreed and moved on. As time has passed Her "circle" has gotten bigger and has gained a few girls that are incredibly attractive and easy to talk to. I strive to be a considerate person so the whole no flirting rule starts to get a bit frustrating. But the reason im posting this is because She told me last night that her and a bunch of the girls from her "circle" basically had an orgy. Then immediately follows it with "You missed out!"....I am now in a state of Reaction. As of right now i feel like ive been sort of held to a double standard and shes being inconsiderate but id like some outside input maybe theres something im overlooking....

I (60 F) have a best friend (50 F) of 30 years. We tell each other that we are each other's platonic person. In some ways, she is incredibly supportive. My friend has another best friend who knows my life circumstances. I am completely disabled, living, chronic pain, and live in severe poverty. The other two are well off. I am completely disabled and I live in chronic pain and I have a neurodegenerative disease as well as other disabilities. Because I'm disabled, I have no friends, and all my family is estranged.

My friend knows my life history, probably more than anyone else. She is a dear friend who has been at times really endlessly supportive of me.

I am in the worst depression of my life, my friend of 30 years knows this, knows that I have a history of severe childhood abuse and neglect and particularly abandonment around Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was not allowed to come around one parent or the others during the holidays while my younger siblings were. My friend knows this is a severe trigger for me.

My friend used to happily back-and-forth occasionally spend Thanksgiving together occasionally over the years and then it became more of a regular thing when my mother passed and I collapsed in on myself like a dying star. Within a couple of years, though she was promising to have Thanksgiving with me, I literally had nowhere to go anyway, and then would she cancel at the last minute and say she's spending it with her other best friend. She would literally frame this as "good news" in an email which I recognize as gaslighting. She never will talk to me about it in person anymore.

For the past *12 years*, she has repeated this pattern of promising to do something with me over the holidays, either on Christmas or Thanksgiving and then backing out and abandoning me at the last minute and changing her mind and framing it as a pleasant surprise for me. It's gaslighting, it's making commitments that she won't go through with, etc., etc. And almost every damn year I fall for her promises that she will never do it again. I feel like an idiot.

She knows how depressed and vulnerable. I am because we stay in close contact so she can call someone if I need to go to the hospital. I asked her nicely this morning to avoid any kind of conflict close to the holidays if she would spend Thanksgiving with me since she's had 12 consecutive years of Thanksgiving with her other friend. She said "I'll think about it." I was absolutely flabbergasted.

In the past years, we would get into a screaming argument about this and I would yell at her how hurt I was so I was definitely an asshole then. I don't do that anymore.

In other ways, she keeps commitments in our friendship. But after 12 years of not being able to spend Thanksgiving with her, and since we are in a really good place, I expected her to say immediately yes. To me, it's a no-brainer. I've cut off the friendship and we have spent years apart because of this.

AITA for continuing to trust her at akl?