I think I have a crush on My friend
So me (16M) and my friend (17M), who I’ll call Danny, have been friends since 8th grade, and we’re currently juniors. We met through another friend, but freshman year is when we actually started talking and hanging out more at school. For the longest time, I never really felt like I liked him as more than a friend, until these past few months.
I don’t know if it’s because at the beginning of junior year I forced myself to stop crushing on another guy, and now those feelings somehow transferred onto Danny. But it could also be jealousy. I’m naturally a jealous and possessive person, and I noticed it got worse after I found out Danny was talking to a guy back in December. Even after things ended between them, I kept thinking about it. I don’t know if I started liking him because I suddenly realized he could be more than a friend.
I also get really jealous when he talks to another friend that I introduced him to, mostly because they get to talk every day due to their seating arrangement in class. I know it’s probably not normal, and I think if it wasn’t Danny, I wouldn’t care as much. But I honestly don’t know, because the only other person I’ve ever been this jealous and possessive over was my friend Jackie.
Jackie and I became friends in 7th grade, and we got really close after my old friend group kicked me out. She was the one who let me join her group. In freshman year, though, most of her friends went to a different high school except for me, Danny, and another friend I’ll call Beth. (By the way, Jackie was the one who introduced me to Danny.) Me and Beth were already friends in 8th grade, but she didn’t know Jackie or Danny until I introduced them, and the four of us became a friend group freshman year.
Eventually, Beth, Jackie, and Danny all became really close without me, and because I was so possessive over Jackie, I got extremely jealous. Honestly, I handled it terribly. I became really mean toward Beth, to the point where she ended up transferring schools after freshman year. I still feel bad about that.
So now I don’t know if my feelings toward Danny are real, or if all those possessive feelings I had toward Jackie just transferred onto him instead. But at the same time, Danny is genuinely kind, funny, and super nonjudgmental, and I really love being around him.
I don’t think he would ever like me back, though, because he’s usually more into masc guys and I’m more femme. But at the same time, he’s not really the type to judge people based on appearance, so I honestly don’t know.
Maybe I just want a best friend, and he’s the closest thing I’ve ever had to one. But the thing is, after things ended with his situationship, he said he isn’t really looking for love or a relationship right now. He’s also insecure about his looks because he’s on the bigger side, but I genuinely don’t care, I think he’s cute.
I seriously don’t know anymore. I feel so stuck.