u/Far-Effective7640

Today I went to Motilal Nehru for my ISI exam. I’m currently in a DU college .

What genuinely surprised me today was an auto driver outside the centre who was dropping students for the exam. He was telling everyone “all the best” before they got down. It was such a small thing, but it actually felt really wholesome because everyone looked nervous.

Meanwhile near my college, auto drivers are usually like: “bhaad mein gaya paper, 4 sawari ke bina auto nahi hilaunga” 😭

Now just waiting for the result and hoping for the best.

Anyone else here gave the exam today?

Tomorrow is my college farewell and I’m probably not going.

Not because I’m “too cool” for it or anything. I just genuinely feel like I was never part of anything there. Everyone seems to have their groups, memories, inside jokes, photos, late-night stories… and I’m just another face that happened to attend the same classes.

What makes it worse is that I wasn’t always like this. Before 3rd year, I was probably one of the most friendly and funny people in class. I used to talk to everyone, joke around, make people laugh, and actually enjoy being around others. But after 3rd year, something changed in me. I slowly stopped talking, stopped showing up socially, stopped feeling connected. It’s like I became a completely different person without even realizing it.

College for me ended up becoming mostly stress, anxiety about internships and placements, overthinking, and constantly feeling like I wasn’t enough. I kept thinking maybe things would get better with time, but somehow I reached the end still feeling disconnected from almost everyone.

What hurts the most is realizing that if I disappeared from college tomorrow, it feels like nothing would really change for anyone. No “bro where are you?” messages. No memories people would miss. Just… gone.

And yeah, maybe that sounds pathetic, but it’s honestly how I feel tonight.

Part of me thinks I should go to farewell just for closure. Another part of me wants to disappear quietly like I was never there in the first place.

Today was my dissertation presentation and honestly this whole dissertation phase in 4th year has been stressful and exhausting. But today something small happened that made me feel weirdly happy.

There’s a girl in my class I’ve known since 1st year. We never really talked much apart from some dissertation related conversations here and there.

Before my presentation she was talking to the teacher and then my turn came. After I finished, I went into an empty room for some time and after a while she came there too.

I asked her softly, “How was your PPT?”

I genuinely thought she didn’t hear me 😭

But then after sitting near me she asked, “What were you saying?”

Then I repeated it and we talked for a bit.

It was just a normal small conversation but I don’t know why it felt really nice. Maybe because college is ending and somewhere in my mind I know all these small moments are about to become memories.

Funny how after all the stress, submissions and presentations, sometimes the thing you remember most is just one simple conversation.

4th year has been tiring but today gave me one memory I’ll probably keep for a long time :)

Seriously, I mean 8+ hours later and they still smell fresh, clean, and somehow even stronger than when they started. Meanwhile my deodorant quits halfway through the day like it has no loyalty.

Is it just expensive perfumes? Layering products? Some secret hygiene routine? Or do some people just naturally hold scent better?

Yesterday was our scribble day in college, and I didn’t think it would stay in my head like this.

Everyone was busy writing on each other’s shirts, laughing, taking pictures… and I was just there, kind of waiting. There’s this one person I really like, but I never had the guts to say it. I thought maybe at least we’d get a small moment like she’d write something on my shirt and I’d write something on hers. That was it. That was all I wanted.

But it didn’t happen.

I came home and felt weirdly quiet. Didn’t even feel like listening to music or scrolling, which is not normal for me. I just kept replaying the day again and again in my head. And then it hit me that maybe it’s not just about her. It’s also about the fact that this whole college phase is ending. Even the people I was only close to for a year somehow mean a lot to me now. I didn’t expect to feel this attached.

I think I’m just realizing a bit too late how much these small moments actually mattered.

Kinda wish I could go back and do it again, maybe say a few things I didn’t say.

idk, this was just on my mind and now it makes sense. ..why the smallest moments hurt the most when they’re gone.