I hope I can get my thoughts together enough to make sense. An maybe this would be better in the r/loveafterporn group? I'll take any suggestions on where this would be more fitting.
My husband and I have been in and out of marriage counseling over the years. This time around was the first time that (what I thought) was the biggest issue of his online p(*n use was actually addressed in counseling. May last year was D-day when I discovered his use again after almost 3 years of being a dead bedroom. He did the full textbook DARVO when I brought it up to him with evidence. I was completely over it after so many years of him denying, lying, blaming and ignoring the pain it was causing me. He refused to get any help at the beginning. I made my stance clear if he didn't get help and marriage counseling this was it.
We've been in marriage counseling since November. An it revealed the BIGGER issue, emotional withdrawal. He would rarely interact, pursue or be intimate with me unless I initiated the interaction. I realized I had been stuck in a constant pursuit of his affection. I started to see more and more things that I had been suppressing over the years to keep the peace. Even with his own therapy and marriage counseling it was getting worse an worse. He was filling his whole week with 'busy' making activities. An the only way I could spend time with him on the weekends was to go with him to his activities. An the Saturday before last was my breaking point when he couldn't be present with me for a big milestone event. He decided a TCG tournament was more important. An at marriage counseling last Thursday the therapist asked if I was planning on leaving. I said yes. She thought I surprised myself and didn't expect to say that then. I hadn't planned on it. I was told to be emotionally honest. That was what I was feeling with my soul.
I got a separate ride home from the marriage counseling. His angry reaction to my female friends son picking me up to go home was enough for me to not feel safe. He was demanding back his g*)s that they had been holding on to due to his mental health situation. So he could pawn them for money.
I had to go back on Saturday to get more things but I brought a civil standby for assistance. Since I knew he hadn't pawned the guns. He flipped his lid and was demanding the police officer to leave her gun in the car cause he didn't feel safe. He wouldn't let my friend in the house to help me grab things. I was trying to keep things civil. It was so hard to see him distressed like that. I'm really afraid that I can't go back without becoming another statistic. I even called 988 on him yesterday because of his behaviors. An he reached out to them separately.
Anyone else have a situation this volatile? I'm still going to therapy but anything else I can do?