i feel really hopeless and left out at times.
sometimes ill feel like my friends all hate me. i hate myself, the way i look. i hate when boys make fun of me. explaining it to people makes me feel like im crazy. im not good enough for my friends. then sometimes things are going well. i feel like im not actually living. i love my parents. i hate myself. anything that happens which is inherently bad, the reason always leads back to me. i hate watching my friends go out and have fun everyday and have boys fawn over them and i barely leave the house. i have 1 consistent friend and i met her online. i dont know when it'll be over. everytime i try to open up to a friend it ends up going in my notes and staying there till it gets deleted. i dont think i have depression. i tried opening up to my friends once, after they opened up i felt like my problems were way less than hers. shes been abused in the past and has all the right to be depressed. i dont think i have anything wrong with me, yet shes happier and im a fucking garbage fire. i feel like im not supposed to, nothings wrong with my life.