I guess I’m looking for some hope.
I went back to my journal of 3 years ago and nothing has changed. I’ll go through periods of stopping but I come back. I feel absolutely defeated after reading journals from three years ago saying « I MUST change » « it’s good for the people around me and myself to change » « I’ve got this j » and « I daydreamed again ».
Il panicking so bad right now.
Up until VERY recently I’ve held onto this crazy lie to all my best friends. When I moved to university I felt ashamed for being a version so I lied and said I had a past situationship. That was a lie. And up until recently I have told them by accident that I missed him etc, and when in group settings asked if I’ve done anything sexual I maintain this lie.
I can’t believe I’ve kept this lie for 3 years now to my best friends.
I am so ashamed
I can’t tell them the truth
Because it’s such a half lie like yes me and this guy flirtied BUT THAT WAS IT.
I’m crazy, I think I need to die this guilt is consuming me am I a Terrible person what kind of freak lies about this for 3 years? I’m such a loser I need help I need to die