AITAH for making accidentally making a friend with benefits feel insecure?
I (M31) have a friend (F29). We've been friends for probably 7ish years now. She is a very good looking girl as most anyone will tell you.
We became friends because we were both working in neighboring bars in a suburban downtown area. Pretty much everyone that worked in the bars in this downtown knew each other and has hung out with each other to some degree.
Her and I became really good friends. She has a somewhat unusual lifestyle. She doesn't believe in romantic relationships. Does not get into relationships with anyone, but respects people who do and is actually kind of known for being one of the best people to ask for relationship advice from despite her not believing in relationships.
I'm trying to think of a nice way to say this, but she is known to have had many partners over the years. She doesn't sleep with men who are in relationships and makes sure when she sleeps with a guy they know it's not going to lead to a relationship or marriage, but that still hasn't stopped guys from trying lol. At the same time, she also doesn't sleep with everyone who agrees to her terms either. She picks and chooses who she sleeps with.
Anyway, we didn't sleep together for the first time until we had been friends for almost 2 years. We were hanging out one night at her apartment smoking weed and just kind of hanging out like we always did and she made a move on me and it happened.
We didn't hook up regularly, both were with other people in front of each other and it has never been an issue, but we slept together occasionally from time to time. I do believe in monogamous relationships, and she has always been very cool to my girlfriends over the years.
I always make sure they know about her and I's past and honestly once has it ever been an issue for a girl I dated and that girl was jealous of anyone I talked to even my friends' wives and didn't last long anyway. In fact, most of my girlfriends absolutely loved hanging out with her, but that's beside the point.
About 6 months ago I was coming out of a near 2-year relationship. About a month later her and I slept together again and have a couple of times since.
This past weekend we were hanging out with a group of friends, and I was the DD for her and 2 other friends. I dropped the other 2 friends off and she asked me to come in and hang out for a bit, so I took her up on the offer. We got in sat down on the couch and she made a move on me. I tried as best I could to kindly refuse her advance.
She seemed a little taken back and asked oh have you started seeing someone? Sorry I didn't know. I said no, I haven't, but I didn't think I wanted to have sex with her anymore regardless. She became very confused and asked if she had done something wrong, if I didn't find her attractive anymore, etc.
I said no, I just felt like I didn't want to do this anymore. We hung out for maybe 15 minutes after that, but it was really awkward so I just left.
I got a text from her this morning asking again if she did something wrong, if I'm seeing someone, or what was wrong. I told her there was nothing wrong I just don't want to do this anymore. She said I was sending mixed signals by taking her up on her invite to come into her place that night and then turning her down. She also said she feels weird and self-conscious because nobody has ever turned her down before without a good reason. I keep insisting nothing is wrong, but she doesn't seem to believe me and keeps asking things like if she said or did something, if I think she's ugly, fat, etc.
I guess AITAH for 2 reasons: 1) Did I send her mixed signals by going into her apartment this past weekend, and 2) For deciding to end our sexual encounters without really having a reason other than just not wanting to do it anymore