Hi everyone,
My (26M) ex-wife (24F) and I have been divorced for almost five months now. The divorce came after a really rough year of us trying to make things work but eventually it ended in a pretty one sided way. I thought there was more we could do to try and fix things but she did not.
For about 3 months or so after we filed I felt really good. I was taking care of myself, eating well, hanging out with friends and meeting new people. Therapy was helping me cope with the loss but all in all I felt on top of the world. Right around that time my ex reached out to me looking to apologize for how things ended between us. Apologizing for giving up and telling me she took me for granted. It felt euphoric finally being told everything I wished I heard at the end of it all.
We decided to try and mend things and work it out even though we were both hesitant. The last year of our relationship had a lot of conflict between a friendship she had at work with a coworker. Multiple months of telling me nothing was going on, lying, and what I considered to be emotional cheating. I asked her a day or so after we reconnected where this person was in her life and she told me that they no longer talk. That they had a little thing right after our divorce but she realized she still had feelings for me and did not want to pursue anything further.
This ripped me apart and caused me to second guess trying further with her. It felt like cheating with extra steps. We talked about it and came to a decision that we need to continue couples therapy and such to move forward. The next day she texted me she's not ready to be in a relationship again and stopped responding to me.
I know at some point I will get back to feeling good again, but it's been 2 months since we reconnected and it all feels so awful still. Some days are worse than others but usually it always ends up with me sobbing asleep. I know I need to let the sadness come and go as it is, which I did when the initial split happened, but I am so confused why this one has been so much more prevalent.