My Husband Has A Porn Addiction
Hi Reddit. This is my first post, so please bear with me.
My husband and I have been together for five years. We’re both still in our early twenties, and honestly, he’s always felt like my best friend. We built our relationship on friendship and through long distance while we were in different states pursuing school and our own careers. Even though the distance was hard, we made it work. Once a month, I’d fly out to see him, and we’d spend entire weekends together. Those visits felt electric because we missed each other so much. We were on cloud nine.
Back then, I knew he watched porn. It bothered me a little, but I also tried to be understanding. We were far apart, young, and figuring life out. We talked about it a few times, but it never seemed like a major issue.
Two years ago, we got married and finally moved in together. It felt like everything we had worked for was finally happening. Living together came naturally to us. We laughed constantly, spent all our time together, and our sex life was amazing. We flowed well together and honestly never went through the trouble of living together that most do. I felt wanted, desired, and genuinely loved. My husband made me feel beautiful in every possible way.
Then, about six months ago, something changed.
At first, it was subtle. He seemed distant. Irritable. Tired all the time. We stopped being affectionate the way we used to be. Sex became less frequent, then almost nonexistent. He stopped pursuing me altogether. Barely even looked my way. I kept trying to tell myself this was normal — maybe the honeymoon phase was ending, maybe adulthood and stress were catching up to us.
I brought it up to him more than once. Every time we talked, things would improve for a week or two, and I’d think, okay, we’re getting back to us. But then it would slip right back into that same cold, disconnected place. Don’t get me wrong we were still so close but something was just…off.
Eventually, I started turning all of it inward.
I hated myself. I analyzed every part of me. Did I gain weight? Was I no longer attractive to him? Was I boring? Too emotional? Not enough? I became consumed with trying to figure out what I had done wrong.
I would ask him constantly if something was wrong. I begged him to just be honest with me. But every time, he reassured me everything was fine, even though deep down I could feel that something wasn’t. I felt like I was going crazy trying to solve a problem I couldn’t see. I caught him checking out girls a few times and called him out on it. I would like to believe he would never cheat on me, he’s never been that way, but now I’m not sure.
Today, after another argument where I asked him yet again what I was doing wrong, he finally admitted the truth. For the past six months, he’s been struggling with a porn addiction.
And I don’t even know how to explain what I’m feeling right now. I feel heartbroken, humiliated, angry, and deeply sad all at once. The worst part is realizing how long I blamed myself for something I never caused.
I feel like I have suffered with trying to please this damn man when the entire time he didn’t give a shit. While I was tearing myself apart trying to become “enough,” he already knew what was happening and kept it from me.
I love my husband deeply. I know addiction is complicated, and I know this confession probably took courage. But right now, all I can think about is how alone I’ve felt in this marriage for months while believing I was the problem and him ALLOWING me to believe I was the problem.
How does it get better? What even is the next step? How could someone have everything they ever wanted and then just throw it away? Can we even move on from this?