F 35.
I’ve never really had any career aspirations. I come from a privileged background where 99% of my high school class went on to college, so of course I did too. I didn’t have any desire to go to a specific school, so my mom picked one for me and helped me apply.
I didn’t well but had no direction and chose a major based on which intro classes I enjoyed (economics). After graduation, I still had no direction and my mom got me an administrative assistant job at the hospital she worked at. I worked for that company in different admin assistant roles for a few years. I was also doing freelance modeling on the weekends. I enjoyed it and with the encouragement of a previous partner, I quit my admin job and modeled “full time” for a few years. It wasn’t full time but it was my sole income source.
When that started to dry up post covid and I was over 30 and aging out of modeling, I spent at least a year looking for all kinds of jobs and couldn’t get anything. Eventually my old company hired me back in another, slightly lower ranking position than I was at before (still admin). I’ve been in that role for a year and a half now. I enjoy it, but it doesn’t pay well enough for me to afford more than a 1 bedroom condo (even with a partner).
My dream / fantasy is to live in a medium sized town / small city somewhere more affordable (I’m in one of the least affordable cities in the US currently) with nice nature and work part time at a bookstore and not work very much in all honesty. I don’t have any desire to grind. I hate the corporate atmosphere.
My partner originally liked this idea. His dream is to build apps and sell them or run them quietly in the background. He’s created several already but none are really making money. They’re all great ideas and well made but with no marketing efforts other than word of mouth. Recently though he has become upset that I have no drive and am lazy and content with where I’m at. Initially he said he was happy to support us so I thought the bookstore fantasy might happen. But now he doesn’t feel that way anymore and wants to feel more equal in terms of finances (which I understand). I don’t care about making any improvements except to make him happy, which he can tell and that’s not making him happy.
What do I do when I want to want to improve my life….but I don’t actually have any drive to make meaningful changes?