u/Fantastic-Mango-9470

Worth starting this out by saying that I do get extremely obsessive thoughts about a lot of things, so that part isn't particularly new to me. The rumination and obsessive thoughts started up within the last few years and haven't stopped since and always fixates on SOMETHING, whether it's checking the stove three times when I leave the house and then convincing myself later at the office that I actually left it on and am burning the house down or tearing the whole place up convinced there's bugs (there isn't). This time, the obsessive thoughts are romance related. WOOOOO. Love it (sarcasm).

Anyway, been on a few dates with this girl I met on Bumble in March (we talked for a bit before going out since I was on vacation when we connected and had to wait for me to get home) and the obsessive thoughts and rumination hit me HARD last week when I realized she seems to really like me, nitpicking and finding any reason to break it off, questioning whether I actually like her or find her attractive, convincing myself she looks like my mom (she does not) and therefore I can't date her, and even running pics through facial detection to prove myself right (I was not lol), and was on this mental spiral for like 8 hours straight. It's like, suddenly now that I can tell she seems to really like me, I'm doubting absolutely everything. I actually really like that she knows what she's seeking and we have a lot of interests in common, because the last girl I dated for 2 months earlier this year was extremely emotionally distant and left me confused more than anything else.

Anyway, we went on a very late dinner date earlier this week and I think she could tell I was feeling off because I was absolutely dead tired (I work days but she works late into the evening so weekends are usually best for us but we wanted to meet up during the week) but also still in my own head, because she asked later if I was okay and that I seemed guarded. I think it was just a mix of me being insane and also being tired as hell from work because I was already falling asleep on the train on my way there and crashed immediately upon getting home. I felt bad that it seemed like my mental state was slipping through. It always getting worse during the week before my period too.

Then today, I finally calmed down and caught myself scrolling through our previous texts from the other day and smiling to myself and was eagerly waiting all morning for her to reply to my texts and I spent the whole night while out with some friends last night thinking about her instead (positively, wishing I had invited her with me). SO CLEARLY I LIKE HER AND WANT HER ATTENTION LOL. Why is my brain so stupiddddd.

(On that note, I hate when people say to trust your gut because...you know what I can't do? TRUST MY GUT. IT TELLS ME LIES.)