AITA for wanting a discussion first
I (F37) and husband (M31) have different upbringings. I am American and have lived in the same town my whole life. Husband grew up a few states away in the US but is from Peru and has spent equal time there during his life as he has in the states. We tend to spend much more time with my family because they are local.
His hometown (in the US) has a Peruvian parade every year and for the last few years he has wanted to attend but it hasn’t aligned with our schedule and I have not been able to go so he chose not to go as well. This year he wants to attend but it again does not align with our schedule. He said he was going to go alone and I agreed. I offered to go with him for the part I was able to but I would have to be back home earlier. He declined and said he doesn’t want to leave the event early. I also suggested that I would ride the few hours there with him, stay the night and then take the train back alone so he can stay and I can leave when necessary. He declined and said he doesn’t feel that’s a safe option for me (even though he allows his mother and himself to do that often). So the final verdict was him going alone and me staying home.
Yesterday, he calls me and informs me that him and his mother had a conversation during which time she informed him that she was traveling to Peru from November until new years this upcoming year and then the two of them discussed him joining her on the trip for Christmas and staying ten days until after new years. They discussed how it would be funded, and when the travel would occur, but have not booked any flights or made reservations yet. When he called me and told me, he point blank informed me that he was going for Christmas and new years to Peru and would be gone ten days- no discussion- plans made.
He hasn’t been to Peru in 11 years and very occasionally communicates with his family there. I understand his desire to go back to a country he lived half his life in. And I understand his desire to reconnect with family there especially as they age.
The problems I have with this situation are the fact that he made plans with his mother without even discussing with me. I don’t agree with him being gone ten days and with it occurring over Christmas. We already made plans for him to take a few days off work to spend time with us since we would be on winter break which he completely overwrote with these plan with his mother.
When asked why he can’t go for a week in November he said a week isn’t enough time it has to be ten days or it’s not worth it (even though he can fly directly into his hometown) and that he doesn’t WANT to go in November he wants to go for the holiday.
AITA for wanting a discussion before out of country plans are made? AITA for thinking Christmas is a bad time to take a solo trip?
ETA- we co-parent a child who would not be able to travel during this time due to custody schedule. My choices to stay home from travel are solely to meet the needs of our child not due to lack of desire to attend.