u/Famous_Insect4313

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I don't know how I feel right now. I was sexually abused growing up. My mom was an addict and she always had the worst ppl around. One thing led to another. It was long term. I dropped out of high school turned to sex work to make money because everything seemed so fucking pointless. Got my own addictions, hit rock bottom. Finally decided to smarten up and get my act together. I didn't really do the dating thing until a couple of years ago trying to get my shit together. Getting off the drugs didn't help my self confidence much because I gained so much fucking weight. And then I started seeing someone I felt really serious about. He makes me laugh and he seems to like me. We been dating a year now but I still feel ashamed and dirty. My body sucks. I know he's been making a move but I can't bring myself to do it. He knows I was abused I was upfront about that and he knows I'm a recovering addict but I wasn't exactly upfront about the sex work stuff. I'm worried he'll leave one he's done with me or that he'll just know how awful I am and just leave. I dunno. I can't seem to make that next step. I know it's because of my past and it pisses me off that those fuckers still have such a good on me. I dunno. I'm not good at this feelings shit never have been. I'm going to lose him either way and I don't know what to fucking do.